xiuwen's world.

untitled.

2009-06-01T10:53:00.002+08:00

it's been a tough few days for me.
and i went through highs and lows in a short span of days.

started from friday when we had a CWBS with PK at expo.
was really excited for it.. and really felt so blessed by the msg and was blown away.

really learnt a lot and i was jotting away throughout the whole session.
before the end of the session, i already felt a tugging in my heart.

when PK asked us to stand on our feet, i already felt the strong presence of God.
it was tremendous and i really got reminded of the first love i had for Jesus.

those times whereby i would just take out my guitar, in the still of the night,
and i will sing songs to God...with no personal agenda.

i sing bcos i love Him and i didnt want to ask for anything more except his presence.
i didn't want anything else but i just want to thank Him for loving me and giving me a new lease of life.

in tt svc, i wept and wept. just like a baby.
i dont know how did the other receive tt msg tt day, but for me, it was the moment.

even when PK ended the session, i was still overwhelmed.
i just couldn't talk and i couldn't control my tears as well.

alot of ppl came to ask me what happened to me.
but i was just too overwhelmed.

throughout my 10 yrs in CHC, i think it was the 2nd/3rd time i felt like tt. even when the meeting was dismissed, i continued crying on the way out of the hall. cos presence of God was too strong!

that night. i went back home.
and at around 3am, i did the same thing, i worshipped God.
this time round, no guitar, no songs. but i just worshipped Him.

it was awesome presence and i enjoyed my fellowship with God even if i only had 4 hours to sleep after that before i go for sat netball training.

i felt good and like i'm ready to take on anything.

ironically, come sat and sun. it was so challenging.

felt so down and out.............
so much burdens and i felt so sad.

things just happened one after another and this time, i was not overwhelmed by the presence of God, but by problems.

CHALLENGING.

and i felt so sad as i have some members who seem to be struggling.

to my dear member K.

bro, i seen you grow up from the beginning in church.
and recently i know you went through alot and maybe sometimes we feel direction-less.

but if there is one thing i can tell u, i just hope that you remember the goodness of God.
all those times that you felt His touch.
all those times He performed a miracle in your life.
all those times you felt His unfailing love.

pls don't forget these...
please don't leave Him.
and we miss you as well.
you're such a dear brother to me.
and i don't know why, but you just feel like my brother.

you're important to us!

talk to me soon ya?

so, as i was saying, this was one of the things that troubled me, along with some other matters.
and when night came, an event happened that sparked forth my mini depression.
ha. yes. mini depression.

just a little bit down la.

BUT, thank God for wonderful friends He placed in my life.

shella was very concerned for me, and she was helping me with cg stuff until 2 plus am, 3am.

beng lent me a listening ear and gave me some encouragement and advice which made me feel alot better.

i <3 my friends!

it was a very strange weekend for me as i come to terms about a lot of things in my life.
alot of issues that had happened in the past.

and all along, i thought i had already put in behind me, but i guess i didn't after all.

i'm a person who trusts easily. despite having faced disappointments.
but, after some time, i'll be worried if the people around me can be trusted cos i don't want to be disappointed.

ha. alot of thoughts la..but don't want share too much liao.

personal stuff.

leaders are also people la. also have our own fair share of challenges.

but xiuwen IS strong. in more ways than one.

i AM strong. not WILL be strong.

thank YOU my DEAR HOLY SPIRIT.

(:

worship.

2009-05-19T02:09:00.001+08:00

jinsheng just sent me 2 pictures he took from sunday's nxgen session. of me when i was worshipping God.

really like these 2 pictures. (:

thanks jinsheng!

and, i love worshipping God. feels awesome in His presense. (:

just give me a day to rant pls.

2009-05-18T01:09:00.004+08:00

just this once will i talk about this and that's it.

it'll all be gone down to memory lane and it'll stay there.

it's been years and it's only normal that things have changed.
what that happened in the past can only be memories and it'll stay that way.

i know i have done wrong.

and i don't have the rights to rant or protest.

and that's the way i want to stay.
silent.
give me sometime.

and just tonight will do.
to reminisce about good times.
and to let it sink into my head, that these good times can only stay in the past.

cos the people involved, are no longer the same.
it's only natural.

as much as i'm feeling this feeling i haven't felt in a long while,
this is the exact outcome i was wishing to see.

it's only fair.

at times, i'm tempted to know how things are getting along.
to know if things are going well.

but at the same time, when i see how well things are going,
it also brings with it a tinge of sadness.

alright.

it's time to stop eluding the facts.
and just start accepting them.

i'm sincerely happy for you cos i know you are elated.

good enough already.

as for me, i learnt a lesson.
and i know, i got to learn to make good decisions and cherish the people around me.

gone are the days i take someone for granted.

it has to stop, and it will stop.

after all,

how many 5 years does a person have?

after today,
after tonight...

after this moment.

i let this kite fly..
fly, into the skies.

it's going high,

high,

high,

up into the sky.

and that's that.

i let it fly.
it went high.

i took out a pair of sharp scissors.

i hesitated for a moment.

*snip*

and that's that.

it flew further and further away.

not before long, it became a speck.

and that's that.

that's the way it's gonna stay.

thank you kite,
i enjoyed myself when i had you to accompany me to play.

you're a great companion.
(:

just one day to rant ya? and for those who understand, u know.
for those who don't, pls don't ask as well.
(:
*appreciated*

突发奇想 2。

2009-05-05T01:08:00.002+08:00

年轻的时候总以为时间多的是，
机会一大把。

所以，常不把许多事情当成一回事。

等到错过了才知道不是只要知错能改，
必善莫大焉。

不对。

不是知错能改就代表破裂的一定能缝补。

不是说忏悔就能抹去犯下的过错。

若。能再一次的到重心来过的机会，

你。又会做对什么？

今天的胆怯也许会成为明天的遗憾。

要更加带着意义去经历生命的每一天。

好不好？

pardon the wordings for previous post!

2009-05-04T00:39:00.004+08:00

hey! so sorry about the weird wordings of my previous post. but my html has some prob and i cannot edit it. and i will not spend hours to re-type everything!
haha.

get the gist of what i wanna say and tt's enough!! (:

p/s: i forgot to mention that my lovely cousins boon and kun gave me a guitar for my birthday! sorry! (:

birthday updates!!! (:

2009-05-03T23:06:00.012+08:00

hello guys! i am back to do some birthday updates.. although i am 7 days late. -_-

sorry about that! i was having exams so i really didn't feel like blogging..
but i still must take the opportunity to say THANK YOU to all!!!

first up,

my gan ma gave me a very early birthday present.. ha. like 2-3 weeks b4 my birthday and it was the first birthday present i received this year..

crocs pink ballet flats!

i was never a big fan of crocs. in fact i was once anti-crocs.
haha. but i 'sold my soul' for this. haha. well. this pair is quite cute and it's really comfortable la. haha. (: can suit my new sweet image. HAHA

sweet okays? (:

next up, is pressies from my dajie and jiefu!
haha. the generous couple gave me a 2 part present.

part 1 is a paid-for trip to the salon for hair rebonding! (:

part 2 is a rebel spirit hoodie! hehe.

it is the exact same hoodie as the one below, just that i am not as hot as the model below obviously. HA

then, i received ang pows from my dear elaine erjie, my dear mummy and shifu!!! (:
financial blessings!!!

on my actual birthday, my cgs presented me with various presents. (: so blessed!

w143/w505/BANANA gave me 2 dresses, a pair of shoes, a very nice balloon, a self-made board of birthday greetings and 20 over custards (in place of cake!)
haha. but i didnt eat any of the custards cos i don't like custards...haha.

w116 gave me the following:

rougeberry edt

wild cherry shower gel (:

now i smell even nicer and sweeter then i used to. HAHAHA.

this panda was a gift from ng.. thanks bro! it is a panda pillow speaker for my ipod. haha
why panda?

cos ng used to call me pandy. -_-

but still, thanks! (:

ah wei and lala came to surprise me on the midnight of the 26th!

haha...so sweet of them of wanting to surprise me.. but being so sharp, i alr guessed tt someone's gonna come up at 12..just didnt expect it to be ah wei..

thanks for the dorothy perkins shorts!!! (:

then..........

pictures for the celebration!!!

w116

w143

w143 & w505

w316

shella and i
we took this in the middle of the very crowded JP. haha. it was so embarassing and everyone was staring at my balloon. haha

my presents for tt day!

then,

on tuesday, 28th april, my uni clique presented me with .....................

a green and white polka dotted bikini. LOL

LOL. just in time for some tanning. HAHA.

thanks helenn, meiping, jingying, simin and ah long! (:

then, finally, today,

huiling, xuelin and pok presented me with skin couture's vouchers!

time for more shopping! haha.

thanks everyone for making my 22nd so special for me!!! (:

love you all!!!!

new look!

2009-05-03T01:07:00.001+08:00

hey!

some of you may have been puzzled at what happened to my blog previously!

haha. i closed it cos i was trying to find a new skin.

and now i am back!!!

HAHA.

but, by now, i am too tired to blog!

haha.

catch me again tml..

but xiuwen's gonna be around this time...

HAHA..

be patient!

2009-04-19T21:37:00.003+08:00

hello guys!

i know i've not been a regular blogger, but after 28th apr, it is all gonna change.. haha

1. i am going to change my blogskin.

2. i am going to change my playlist.

3. i am going to blog about my presents. HAHA. i've already gotten 4 presents so far, way before my birthday. haha

4. i am going to blog regularly after my exams..

hehe. (:

till then~

p/s: you can still catch my birthday in exactly 7 days.HAHA

i almost forgot i have a blog already lo..

2009-03-22T20:16:00.002+08:00

hi guys!

i have been out of action for a while cos i rarely use my lappie for some time already..
it is now week 12 of school term and i am extremely busy!!!

week 12:
- HC301 presentation

week 13:
-HC301 3000-4000 words report due
-HC213 presentation

week 14:
-HC213 3000-4000 words report due

week 15:
-HC301 exam
-HMJ2 exam

week 16:
-HC203 exam

week 17:
-HC213 exam
-HC202 exam

from now till then is just siong siong and more siong!

and of course, easter occurs on week 14. i don't need to be a prophet to sense how hectic it is going to be!

but everything's gonna be alright!!!

had a tough week this week.
i fell very sick from tuesday night to thursday night. and i really hardly moved out of my bed also.
i thought through a lot, and there were a lot of struggles within me.

there are a lot of things on hand for me to handle, and at times i really feel that it is hard to go through everything.

with my studies, 3 tuition assignments on hand, having to cope with my own finances, w143, w116, w505, EC zone, netball trainings, etc...

when i feel sick, i just felt so overwhelmed by these things...

i was telling my members today, i know i am not a person who has a lot, but i know one thing i have is that i have perseverance. even when i do sports... the only reason why i can finish the long distance runs faster than my teammates is not because i have v good stamina.. it is just cos i have determination and perseverance. and i find this in my natural life and spiritual life as well. i may go through tough times and i find it hard to go through it.

i may cry. i may be so disheartened that i feel like giving up on everything and running away.... but i will not do it.

i will force myself to stick it through!

cos i know when i get myself to go through the fire without giving up, i end up getting stronger.

and this time, xiuwen doesn't bow once more.

He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

when i seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, all things shall be added unto me.

for all things work together for good for those who love God, those called according to His purpose.

xiuwen,
you can do it! hang on through.. breakthrough not far from now.

it is a joy and privilege to serve Jesus.
it is a joy and privilege to serve Pastor CK.
it is a joy and privilege to serve as a cgl in CHC.
it is a joy and privilege to fellow Pastor Kong.
i must remember why i do these things.

OKOKOKOKOKOKOK!!!

everything's gonna be alright! (:

after week 17 i am going to give myself a treat!
i have decided not to work during the 3 months hols. give myself a break.
of course i will still teach my 3 tuition assignments. no work= no money!
i think that should be able to sustain me for awhile.
and if there is some part time job, i may take it up, but i just want to take a breather from my hectic lifestyle..

i am going to go sing at kbox! i am going to go chill at sentosa! play netball! shopping!
if possible... a trip to bangkok!
meet up my fav KWS.

and i have a lot of other plans.. (:

okok.. enough for now, back to work!

(:

又是彻夜难眠的一夜。。。

2009-02-13T04:07:00.002+08:00

4.08am.

this is getting from bad to worse man.

i just can't to sleep!

how come like tt........

hmmmm....

er jie has gone to australia~

2009-02-12T13:29:00.003+08:00

Feb 11th.. my erjie has flew off to australia lo....

she was like a celebrity yesterday with so many people following after her and all....
ha. i was quite concern at how i will react to her flying off...

hmm..after all, we've been staying together for so long.. and now she is going to be away for so long..

well.. i know that this is going to be good for her and all....
so alright la, i'll do my best to take care of the things around here for her....

hopefully when she comes back, she can see growth and great things happening in her zone..
team effort!!!

to w116: please help me along.. it's big shoes for me to fill, i don't expect myself to do as great as a job as elaine, but please help me!!! (:

to w143/w505: please help me out to release me to do more things for the zone! (: but don't worry, i'll never be too far away from u guys....

to EC zone: let's work hard together for God and for elaine so we can produce results for her when she comes back for holidays this december!

let's keep elaine in prayer and move on as spiritual giants!!! (:

anyway, i am in lecture now.. haha. and blogging.

COS, we are watching movie in our lecture... BOYS DON'T CRY.
actually it is quite nice a movie... and it is a real story from the life of this person called Teena Brandon...
a little explicit though.. saw some boob in the movie...
well.. we're all uni students... so this kinda stuff.. acceptable to all ba. haha. we're above the age restrictions.. lots of vulgarities as well...

and this Teena Brandon is actually a 双性人. someone who was borned with both the male and female reproductive parts.

to know the end of the story, i can only reveal tt later cos i'm still half way through the show.....

later~

edited:
This person is not a 双性人! this is a girl! with sexual identity crisis...
aiyoyo...

2009-02-07T06:35:00.002+08:00

so it is 6.42 am and i have already been up for an hour already...

and nope, i am not practicing for morning prayer week to wake up this early.

BUT!

i probably woke up due to pain and hunger.

not been eating well recently.
let me give an account.

sunday- ate my one and only meal of the day at 8.45pm which consisted of rice, crabs, chicken and etc. still quite a good meal.

monday- no breakfast, ate chicken chop with helenn, ruilong and junjie. ate some of mum's home cooked food.

2 days still not bad right?

tuesday- didn't eat breakfast and lunch, met shella for megabites dinner---fish and chips!
saw keeliang and huijuan anyway at nus. (:

wed- skipped breakfast, ate mum's noodles for lunch and no dinner

thurs - ate one and a half piece of chee chiong fun and 2 pieces of french toast bread and 1 hotdog bun for the whole day.

fri- ate a sandwich

yea.. that's it. 7 meals for a span of 5 days.. and consider my portion of food esp from wed to fri.

but the funny thing is that i didn't feel hungry at all.
and i had no appetite.

and then, yesterday, i also sprained my ankle during netball practice. =(

so, yea, in pain and i was finally feeling hungry at 5 plus am, so i woke up to cook smth to eat.

and, yea, i drank some soupy stuff with mee tai bak.
yea. more soup, less mee tai bak.

there is nothing wrong with me right?

i actually thought that it wasn't tt bad tt i didn't eat much cos i wasnt hungry, and i actually felt that i have enough to eat....

hmm.. what's making me lose my appetitie?

seriously, i don't know.

hmmm....

going to be 7am in bout 10 mins time.

what am i going to do?

should i see a chinese sinseh to dui na my ankle?

should i see a doctor?

my initial agenda for today is to teach 2 tuitions, meet up 2 members, acc another 2 members for service...

can i continue to do these things with a sprained ankle?

ouch. i am in pain ar.........

=(

today is a special day...

2009-01-18T22:44:00.001+08:00

today is a special day!!! :)

you know why?

because................................

...............

.....

............

................................................................................

because i decided to blog. :)

special enough?

HAHA.

okay, i guess this isn't funny at all lo.

but i think i am getting so boring!

i think i am still not helping man.

i think no one reads my blog anymore.

cos i am so boring.

haha. no la. i am not that negative.

anyway!!!

today was a busy day!! as usual. it is sunday lo!
went for service with a fantastic sermon by pst TYP.

i cannot think of a time this man preached a sermon and it was not mind blowing.

i CANNOT think of any time.
he is so awesome man! great sermon!

time to retreat to my prayer closet again. :)

then, EC zone gave elaine a SURPRISE!!!!

i had to 'ba kad' with the rest of the zone and got them to wait at the Riviera..
then, shifu and i stalled for time in the main audi with elaine..
i then asked elaine to go to the b1 toilet with me and shifu..
knowing that she would then go out from the ldrs lift near the riviera,

she came out of the lift only to see 60+ ppl staring at her!! haha.

we then sang her a birthday song, then some speeches, presented our gifts, prayed for her and took pics with her!! :)

elaine, we really love you and we really appreciate you!!!!
we will miss you when you go to australia!

er jie, i will miss you very very very very very very much!!!!
no more chatting with you late at night liao, kicking ur butt, msning you even though we are just 1 metre apart, kop ur clothes ( i think i can still do tt. heh), no more seeking you for advice when i am very discouraged, pei-ing me when we go to some relatives gathering whom i am not familiar with, .... etc etc.

kinda saddening, but we know it is for a greater cause for you.. anyway, i will see u again this nov/dec, but u take good care ok..

you have been such a great jie jie to me and you always will be. :)

love you my dear er jie!!!

*pics will upload after i get from the various cameras..

so, anyway, she is having her xxth bday on the 20th, this coming tuesday and our family is going to go out and have a nice dinner! :)

i will miss erjie, will you? :)

alright, then next thing.....

my cg is multiplying lo! (:
my dear w143 is ready for multiplication..
announced the arrangements on fri.. hope everyone is fine with tt!!!

if not, pls let me know!!!!

then.....

today i had a preaching test!!! (:

haha. it was a bit stressful cos it was among leaders....

but i got quite good reviews after all!!! (:
thank God for tt......
serena was our evaluator and i was v amazed by her sharpness to see certain points tt the rest of us didnt see thr the preaching....nonetheless, she was very encouraging to us as well..

think it was good la.!

haha. alright..elaine come home liao..

i shall chat chat with her. blog later!
haha..
priortise.. hehe

(:

to stall for some time, haha.

2009-01-08T23:52:00.002+08:00

well.. i know i have not been blogging, cos i missed out on so many things to blog on and i dunno where to start from once again!! haha

to help me stall for some time..i decided to post this!
results from some random online personality test that i think is rather true for me. hehe

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

this test is from http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

you can go try it out.

things i want to blog about!

- my goals for 2009
- erjie's gg away to australia in feb :(
- amazing session with poh
- christmas ( i think no need liao la. HAHA)
- some pictures.

hopefully i have the energy to blog all these soon!!! haha
if you want to know about thanksgiving, go to w143 blog.
if you want to know about daniel, go to samuel/dajie's blog.
if you want to know about my family's christmas celebration, go to kun's blog.

ok.. save me some trouble. HAHA

okie dokie. tat's it for now. haha

daniel boy have arrived in town~

2008-12-16T09:39:00.002+08:00

yes. the moment has finally arrived...

DANIEL BOY had COME~!!! :)

15th December 2008- the wonderful date our newest member of our family come forth.

I don't have the pictures now, but you can go to elaine's blog to take a look.

he looks just like samuel when he was borned. :)

so now, samuel is now promoted to be a elder brother already! :)

time pass so quickly, and before we know it, there is 2 babies in the house...

this is a household of GIANT BABIES.

samuel was 4.04 kg when he was borned, i was about 4.2~4.4kg, DANIEL IS THE NEWLY CROWNED CHAMPION at a STAGGERING 4.735KG.

peng lo. close to 5 kg already you know.

really giant!

some babies only 2.5 kg when they are borned. daniel is like double their size. so scary yet so cute!!! haha :)

mothers are so noble.. so xin ku to go through labour and all..

so proud of my dajie! and my jiefu acc her through the labour too!

they are now the proud parents of 2 very adorable boys!

:)

samuel, daniel, the 2 of you must get along well ok!

:)

now we have muel muel and niel niel. :)

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Series of smileys....

in office right now. it is only about 10am, but i am feeling quite tired already lo~

no strength!

maybe cos there isn't much to do now..

when work comes, it pours like rain.

when there is no work, it is like drought.

and i am tired ar!

maybe cos i didnt eat much yesterday.. no energy.
ha. maybe also cos i got nth much to do now.
so, also tired.
when i have things to do! ok! no need eat also can.

when i have nth to do...................

hai.

i just yawned again.

how! it is just 10.10 am now.

i want to peng already..

temp stuff jiu shi like tt, go through different stages of 'work season'. when the perm staff task u to do smth, den have stuff to do, if not.. you know lo....

i am like just rambling now. cos i am preventing myself to fall asleep.

anyway, today is already december 16th!
i have already worked for 2 weeks lo.. i am like only left with a few days to work!
this week, still have wed, thurs, fri,

next week is like mon work, tues work till 3 30, den there is gonna be a party..
wed half day only cos it is christmas eve. ^^
thurs christmas.
fri work.

den last week of december i only need to work on monday and tuesday, den it is bye bye to NUS, hello NTU once again. :)

ok. shall stop here! i am given work to do!!!!

yea~

*irony of the working world*

my beautiful friday. :)

2008-12-12T11:35:00.004+08:00

yep. it is FRIDAY. no big deal to my dear friends who are now having holidays, slacking everyday, waking up at 12pm, 1 pm daily, surfing the net, shopping, watching movie... etc etc.

friday is just like any other day.

but to people doing office jobs.

TGIF!

LOL.
feeling kinda light-hearted today. i don't know if it is because it is friday or not. HAHA

well. it can be due to a few reasons.

1. It is gonna be weekend liao.

2. My da jie can give birth to daniel anytime liao. :)
nephew #2.

3. had a good time with my cgcs yesterday. :) i love my members so much!

4. cg gonna multiply soon :) :)

5. been drinking milk tea everyday- there's promotion somemore. yasui desu~

6. working at NUS-OSA is quite fun thus far, cos got shella working with me also. HA

7. tis' the season to be jolly? HAHA

8. awaiting ah kun's treat for me and soon. HEH.

9. i managed to register all the courses i want! HAHA.

10. christmas is coming. ha. (This is just to fill up the number. it is the same as number 8) HA

SO!
despite being very busy. it is quite a crazy month for me.

mon to thurs, work from 8.30 am to 6pm, friday, 8.30 am to 5.30pm
tues night got leaders meeting
wednesday night teach tuition
thursday night meet members

FRIDAY NIGHT! i have nothing on tonight!

i am going to go home eat some home-cooked food and play with muel muel before niel niel comes out.. HAHA.

:)

on a random note...

few things i wanna do!

i want to go to KBOX!

i want to watch MOVIES!
twillight looks nice!
what else is good!

i want to go shopping!

i want to.....

i don't know what else.

but i want to plan for next year too!

:)
HMMMMMMM..............................................

alright. i am getting more and more random like.

i don't want to become like my random friend, MR YAM.
aiyoyo.

ok la. shall blog again SOON.

time for some updates again

2008-12-03T17:49:00.003+08:00

hello everyone!

ha. i realized i come to a point that blogging seems more like a job i have to do rather than something i enjoy doing.

so, yep, that explains my title. sounds so reluctant right.

shella reminded me, " you haven't blogged for a week le lei!"

ya la ya la.. blog lo...

so. what have i been up to?!

i am actually in my work place now, spending the last 10 mins of today blogging.

hehehehe.

but i am not a slacker ok.
i am too efficient already.
no matter what i am tasked to do, i finish it too fast.

what to do? if there is anything you want to fault me for, it is my effectiveness.

HAHA. no la. kidding la. i want to still live to a ripe old age ok.
don't throw eggs at me!

but, the finish work fast part is true la.
haha. when i am tasked with something, i will finish it asap.
then relax a bit ma.

so! i am a NTU student working in NUS now. but i am not a traitor,
my heart still stay true to NTU! HA. seriously, i like my school quite a lot.
except we don't get to S/U after exams like NUS students. -_-

you would see that i seem to be blogging rubbish.
well. to pass some time away.
4 minutes has passed since i started this post.

i shall spend the remaining 5 minutes on a more serious note.

hmmm.

i think i need a breakthrough for my life again.
i came to a stage where i grew a little tired in the things i am doing, and i seemed to lost that passion that got me burning, say, maybe a year ago.

towards many things i realized.
and now, i seem to be in a stage of apathy where i just want to de guo jie guo for awhile.
just to get on by, one day at a time.

i used to make plans all the time,
i used to think about a lot all the time.

not this time.
i just wanted to give myself a break.

sounds terrible right.

but, nontheless, i believe,
as a chinese saying goes,

resting is essential if you want to walk on longer paths.

and i will do that.

at the end of the day,

i know miss chua will not bow down to difficulties and challenges.
i know miss chua does not give up easily.
i know miss chua is rational-headed.

give me some time, and i will get up again, ready to fight once again.

well.
i would call this time i am going through now.

recuperation.

yea. that's the word.

so, no problem! everything is going to be alright.

exciting days ahead.

w143 is going to multiply latest by january.
huiling gonna be a cgl!
and... i am choosing modules for new school term.
this time it is gonna be different.

i just know it..

alright.. time to go.

not to slack.

cos i am going to teach tuition liao.

working hard to earn the bucks!!!

(:

changes!

2008-11-28T15:01:00.002+08:00

hey everyone,

finally after sometime of MIA-ing, i am back in action!

BUT, cos of boon's curse, i am really sick. =(
think there is actually a bug going around also.. so, i been staying home,

thus explaining why i have time to change my blogskin and all! haha.

so! anyway, realize i have pink words now, and yep, i am in the season of pink, where suddenly it seems appealing to me again. HAHA.

HOWEVER, i still do not own pink clothes...!

must retain a portion of myself, so i keep the title green. haha.

and, changed my playlist.. you'll be surprised to see that it is all ang moh songs.
in that season now also. haha.

couple of things i could do now,

1. to do up my to-do-list
2. to do some planning for cg
3. to do some planning for next semester's modules to take
4. to do up lesson plan for tml's tuition
5. to do translation of book for pastor
6. to pack my wardrobe for clothes to wear for the month of december for work
7. to pack away this semester's notes
8. to change my bedsheets
9. to do filing of my stuff
10. to eat lunch
11. to plan budget
12. to pray
13. to play the guitar
14. to read the bible
15. to plan my schedule
16. to do zone's admin stuff...

ok. the list goes on and on.

and somehow, my first thing to do is partially done!

no wonder i never liked to-do lists.
cos i always figured when i list out the things i got to do,

i will stand in awe man.

anyway!
i will somehow miraculously get all these done.

don't underestimate me. HAHA

so, yep, weekend is coming once again. (:
i hope my bad sore throat will go away.
i hope i will have no blocked nose.
i hope i will have no ulcer.

well, i will be fine!

haha. this post is like redundant again, well, at least it is something to get me started.

(: alrights! this should entertain u for awhile.

await my next post!!! HAHA

mid exam breather!

2008-11-17T13:11:00.002+08:00

hello everyone!
i know i said that i won't be blogging till after exams....
but... since my next paper is 8 days away....i figured i have got some time to spare.. haha.

SO!
was shopping a little recently ( cos ASIA CONFERENCE IS COMING), and i decided that i really like this EDT.
from the very sweet smelling fragrance to the nice and neat packaging and its design.. seriously..
i don't know what's not to like. HAHA..

so, presenting.. ANNA SUI's SECRET WISH.

a little off my budget.. cos i am in the midst of saving money. ha.

so, anyway.

ASIA CONFERENCE IS COMING and i am pending to explode as i cannot wait for it to come!
it is totally exciting!!!!!

can you imagine!

all the best in 1 conference!!!!
so, yep, gonna study harder now so i can go for all.
maybe got to say bye to the electives cos i need the afternoons to study i guess..... (:

alright. gonna catch the latest episode of family guy and back to my forensic science studying!!!!

exams coming in 13 days.

2008-10-30T00:21:00.002+08:00

target:

study hours to hit:

1. CBC811: 25
2. HC151: 35
3. HC204: 50
4. HC241: 40
5. HE191: 30
6. HMJ2: 25

TOTAL: 205 hours!

things to do:

1. study (*D-U-H*)
2. finish HC241 report.
~~3. stop blogging~~
4. prepare sermon for cgm
5. plan studying timetable
6. plan in advance for cg for NOV.
7. BS plan.
~~8. submit attendance for sub-zone.~~
9. STUDY!

so. basically, you will not see me blogging from now all the way to 26th november!
FOCUS AND CHIONG!!!

things coming up!

November 3rd to 7th!
MORNING PRAYER MEETINGS DAILY AT JW CHURCH!
6.45am to 8am

i am going to go for ALL!

November 18th to 23rd!
ASIAN CONFERENCE AT EXPO!
i am going to chiong for all!

last 2 papers after ASIAN CONFERENCE! then i am done!

(:

CHIONG AR!

don't miss me while i am gone! ;)

blog to show that i am still alive!

2008-10-26T22:17:00.003+08:00

decided to blog before people start thinking that i am dead or something.

i am still pretty much alive and kicking!

just that i am starting to get real busy cos... EXAMS ARE COMING. =(

very very soon. means i must study lo.

but i am already studying.. that's why i am rarely using my laptop nowadays..
it fact, to fully utilised my study desk to like actually... study, i cleared my laptop away.. put it in my very nice laptop bag tt my uni clique bought for me and stored it away!

so.. when you didn't see me online, i was not appearing offline. i was really offline.

haha. this entry is like so totally redundant.

but anyway, i don't log unto msn nowadaya also.

ah... why am i so into isolating myself?

so, anyway, tomorrow's a PH, BUT, miss chua ain't going anywhere. she is gonna mug at home tomorrow. (:

don't say that i act guai please, cos i AM guai, thank you.

ANYWAY! i am going to blog about a few things!

first up!
met kun and soon yesterday to chill @ town, and we bought him an early b'day gift from MUJI!
(: we're like fairy god-mother/father like that. make his wish come true.. for a moment, it was like a scene from the oprah show.

it is this nice brown bag, and it isn't cheap lo. haha. ok la.. cost about $79 bucks! but ok!!! (:
glad to make his day.

we went around.. and we chilled around esplanade, which i really love. (:
and we even went to the merlion. -_-.
haha. alright la.

but boon has a help-me-take-photo-face, and the tourists all approached him to take pics for them lo.
had a great day out! (:

SECONDLY!
had a great service today!
i love CITY HARVEST CHURCH!
i love pastor kong! i love pastor tan! i love pastor CK!
i love the message that's preached every week..

makes me so glad to be part of this church!
and thank God that He planned for me to be here! (:
i had time today, so, after service, fei-lo-ship with my members for quite a bit.
(:
proud of liwei to accompany ken for the CIC class. he didn't have to do it, but he did, i am proud of him! (:
my li wei is growing up!!!

thirdly!
i think i like this camera.

haha. initially i wasn't really into it, but yesterday, when i was out with kun and soon, kun said that he might want to get a digi cam to take pics down for memory sake.. and i thought about it... and, yea, it is true.. hmm.

and somehow, i thought of this camera.. the canon powershot e1..

buying a digi-cam not within my budget now..but....we'll see.

lastly!
wanna blog about a random thing!

i am exactly... 21 years and..... 6 months old today!!!
haha. so lame.
but, yep, exactly, 21 yrs and 6 months old.. time past so quickly... ah....

so, alright, that's all i want to say for now,
and again, i am blogging for the sake of blogging... and.....

i need to study ar!!!!!
why are my exams coming so soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

我终于变得不多愁善感。。

2008-10-16T12:31:00.002+08:00

我终于变得不多愁善感，
回忆还像心跳那么难忘。。

well. i guess my main point is not the second line at all.
excerpt from 张惠妹's 快乐眼泪。

well. sometimes i can be kind of 多愁善感.
what is 多愁善感？
make a guess then.

something i don't want to be..
sometimes it can be pretty funny.

getting on with my life.
got to be on a more positive note.

i got to do better at school.
not just working hard.
i got to work smart too.

i got to.

yes. i just got to.

maybe i am just getting a little tired of dealing with things in life.
but it is alright.

hard pressed on every side but i am not crushed.
pressure coming from everywhere, but i will be alright.

yea. i will be.

aiyoaiyoaiyo.

am going to blog in japanese for fun. HEHE. (:
basic intro about myself.

今日は。私はチュ―ア・シュ―ウエンです。
シンガポルの学生です。
ナンヤンリコ大学の学生です。
専攻は中国研究です。

私は毎月曜日と木曜日学校で日本語を勉強します。日本語は面白いです。とでも大好きです。
でも、あまり上手ではありません。毎日学校で中国語を勉強します。中国語は難しいです。大変ですね。

私の家族は父と母と姉二人と私です。私は毎日曜日に姉ｰ緒に教会へ行きます。

okay. i dont know what else to write lo. (:
got to study!

TOMORROW CELL GROUP GONNA GO BOWLING. (:
i am going to bowl the ball into the lang-gau i think. -.-

second chances.

2008-10-08T00:29:00.002+08:00

for the many of you who know me, you know i have always been an advocate of second chances.
i always talk about second chances.

i firmly believe that everyone deserves second chances.

i preach about second chances. and until today, i like my second chance sermon the most.
cos, it is a conviction you see.

but sadly, not everyone believes in giving someone else a second chance.
not everyone is like that...

i feel so sad today. at the thought that my maid is going to go away in a few hours time. and she doesn't even know that she is going to be sent away.

=(

i feel so sad you know. it feels so painful.
she's sleeping in her room, like another other day, maybe thinking to herself what can she do in the morning when she wakes up..

but tomorrow when she wakes up, she's going to be told to pack her things up and to go.

=( =( =(

this is so cruel.
and i cannot stand it.

i don't understand why she cannot be given a second chance.
just because she is not perfect the first time round.

i feel like crying you know, and, well, i did not just feel like crying.
i cried.

because i am such a firm believer of second chances, but yet, i don't see it happening right here.
because umi has been diligent and full of initiative so far, but she is not given a chance to improve.
because after she goes, i'll probably never see her again in my life.
because it is just so against the redemptive nature of Christ.

because i am human.

i feel so sad so sad so sad.

i think i am going to leave house early tomorrow, cos i cannot stand to see umi packing her things up to leave.

it is so painful.
she don't even have a clue.
she don't even know a thing.

okay.

i really don't know what to say. and i am not in the state to blog anymore.

many people probably cannot understand why i feel like that.
after all, she's been here for less than a month.

but,
imagining myself to be in her shoes.
i would feel horrible.
so rejected.
so caught unaware.
so clueless.

so rejected.

rejected.

rejected.

i feel so sad.
that's all i can say.

=(

PH rocks!

2008-10-02T08:52:00.006+08:00

always love to get holidays. (:

actually you will only love holidays when your usual life is hectic. (:
and thus! my day of rest!! ooh woo~

so! anyway, went out with my 2 beloved on such a lovely day. (:
had a very good day yesterday. HEH.

relaxing day, and somehow, happy and blessed.
had cafe cartel for lunch.. before heading over to suntec city to get movie tickets.
on the way to suntec...... i picked up 5 bucks! HA.
strangely. there was 5 bucks on the floor and no one else picked up. so,yea.
that covered our movie ticket partially.
and since kun had a free movie tix, we got 3 tickets at ($9.50 x 2 - $5)= $14.
(: on a PH. cool right!. which works out to ...$4.67 per person. (:

it was tickets for 7.45 show, so, we went shopping in between!
kun had his eyes on a black nike jacket, and so, we went to the nike store and shopped around.
i got my eyes on a nice cute little water bottle too. HEH.
cos, knowing me, i always carry extremely heavy bags around, thus, been thinking of getting a small water bottle for some time.. and i got it yesterday!

and....since kun has a classmate working in the store..... *kaching!*
discount. (: i got my water bottle at like $5.20. (:

then we went shopping around.. and finally decided to go to the arcade since we had a couple of hours left.
we went for our GIANT CANDY LAND since we havent been playing for awhile.. and, we had some cash to spare.

we changed for $28 worth of token and started sitting down to play.
usually, that is more or less the amount needed to hit the jackpot.
BUT!
yesterday was a strange day.
and after spending 20 odd bucks, we did not get past region A, (we need to get beyond region B and C den jackpot).
so, we started to be a little anxious. cos, we are on a road of no return! if we don't hit jackpot, it isn't worth playing!
so, we continued playing, and we hit A. after 2 levels after A, i was so nervous, and it was my turn. after scooping the sweets, the roulette spun... and..i prayed(in my heart! LOL) and confess for the counter to hit JP!

and the roulette spun and spun.. and it hit..... THE JACKPOT!

woah! we were stun for awhile, expecting the roulette to turn somemore.
and IT DIDN'T.
!!!!
so, we won this baby home. (:

(: which i am hugging it right this moment even as i write. (:
and i hugged to sleep last night. (:
i like it esp cos we won it and not that we spent moolah to purchase it. (:

thank you boon and kun! for being so generous to let me bring this home! though you guys spent equally or even more than me for this game!
it is good to go out with guys. you get what they win! HA
THANKS!

and after that, we went to catch a movie!

HOUSE BUNNY!

(:

really cool movie and i really like it! seems BIMBO, but it is precisely why it is nice! (:

LOL. filled with v interesting quotes, nice clothes, nice grooming tips, hot babes, cute guys.
what's not to like?
LOL
being a typical chick-flick. but i like it. (:
and inspire me to have a hot BOD. HAHA.
it's nice looking hot isn't it. LOL
there is a price to pay(literally and monetarily!)

(:
so, yep!
gambatte!

anyway!
went to watch mama mia with shella on monday! haha. her 2nd last day of her 1-1 movie tix, so we went to catch a movie! (:

it was an interesting movie. being the type of movies i like. musical kind of movie!
BUT! the story line is kinda....weird la. haha.
the songs are nice. being ABBA and all.
but, the plot can be kinda unacceptable.
haha.
on a whole, quite ok for all the singing and dancing.
and, i only paid $3.50 for the tix. (:
SO!

half a week has passed me by!
(: quite a good week so far!
and there is no school for me on fridays! ooh!

but got to study la. (:

so! yep!

work work work for the month of october!
very important!
don't just work hard, you gotta do well!
and you can do it!
cos, He who is in you is greater than He who is in the world!

SMILE!

it has ended.

2008-10-01T00:53:00.002+08:00

alright..

it has officially ended.. hmm. i don't know if i should be happy about it? should i feel happy?
but seriously.. i feel nothing lei.

all i know is that 1 year has passed.. and it has passed on by ever so quickly...

one year ago, i went on it, telling myself to put all these matters aside to do some other stuff, to help myself grow stronger in this area..

and.. has it helped me? i guess it did....
i used to be more dependent on relationships.. and now..i am more independent.

i had some alone time to myself, to know more about myself, to have some personal space.

i guess..now the time has come for me.

i am not gonna be in a rush, but i shall keep my mind open to possible relationships ba?

anyway, october is a time to stay very focused!
gotta jia you jia you jia you!!!

p/s: 'dating' KUN & SOON tml. HAHA. (:

kinda feeling unwell. =(

2008-09-27T23:53:00.002+08:00

having my gastric pains again..

been awhile since i last felt this way..

i guess it is due to my lack of sleep and stuff..

shella came and stay over last night..since er jie went to genting..
so, she studied and i did my packing.. misc. and slept at.. 3 plus...4?

woke up at 8.. to go teach tuition from 9-11, den hold er jie's cgm 12-2..

den ate my first proper meal at 3..yong tau huuuuuu....

met shella to buy some materials to make her nephew's first month party's decorations..
was doing that until 9 plus lo........

sent her down at bout 11.. was already exhausted and not feeling too well. cannot even walk properly..

shella says that i look like i am drunk. -_-
i am so not.

so.. i made cards for some of my members also. haha. i think some are quite cute. didnt manage to make a lot cos i am sick and tired lei.

so anyway. why am i not sleeping now?!!!

heh.

cos i washed my hair..and am now waiting for it to dry.......

(:

anyway! service tomorrow! ooh ooh ooh! (:

happy happy day. gonna give bs at 1030 am! (:

and, i want to take this oppor to say a big thank you to miss banana huiling! haha. i don't know if she reads my blog... but, anyway, thanks loads. you been a great help!!! (:

love you sister!!!!

family of monsters!

2008-09-26T22:32:00.003+08:00

family of monsters! (:

cute right! i have 2 and wenshun has 3 and kun has 2!
haha. you can read about our adventure in kun's blog.
it is really cute though!

(:

okies. just want to upload this picture.. need to get stuff done liao man!

ciao~

p/s: am not very satisfied with new blogskin. well. will sustain me for time being. (:

my weird dreams.

2008-09-24T23:13:00.003+08:00

hello all. as promised..

i am going to blog about my weird dreams....
i believe some of you already know about some of the weird dreams i have had since young and today! i have decided to blog all about these!

dream #1:
i once dreamt about that i was abducted by what that seems like alien to me.
and they caught me and flew me up to the skies on a helicopter and began speaking to me in a weird language i could not understand.
realizing i am not understanding the words they speak, the 'alien' beings which look like human then switched a device on their helicopter into 'english' mode and started conversing with me in english. the content? i do not remember but all i know is this weird lady asked me to look down from the helicopter. i then noticed that the wide spread of sea underneath me is divided into 2 sections.

one half looking larva-hot, the other half looking icey-cold.
she then asked me which do i want to be thrown into.
i don't know if i am making the obvious choice. but i chose the icey-cold water.
i was then thrown down from the helicopter....!
and landed right in the center of the icey-cold water! only to realize that.......
it wasn't cold at all!
i then started swimming towards the shore. and when i am finally nearing the shore......
i noticed that......

i was actually in the swimming pool in the swimming complex nearby to me then home in redhill.
-_-
and i saw my swimming coach coaching a couple of my friends.

i then got out of the water, changed and went home.

-_-.

dream #2:
i once dreamt that i was in love with a triad leader from Saudi Arabia.
we dated each other but in the end have to part cos we lived in very different places?
this is so ridiculous man!

dream #3:
i once dreamt that a burglar climbed up my current boon lay apartment through the window and came into my house! i was so afraid that i quickly ran away to search for my dad and right there and then in the house, they started fighting!

cos i was really young, in my dream, i was young too. i then ran away.. ran ran ran..then i woke up.

these are just 3 that i can remember very clearly. somewhere along my life, i remembered i have a lot of weird dreams. like, running away from monsters, i am like so scared and all, hiding underneath bed, on top of cupboards...

if not i will be teleporting to places, via means i do not know how?

just the other day, i dreamt that i shifted to clark quay! right beside the river!

random dreams.

anyway, had cgm yesterday! (:
increasing in number of people.. and i am so glad ziying came to join us too! *woo!*

i think huiling have really been inproving and not before long, i believe she will be ready! (:

target:
19, 21 oct
22, 23 nov
24, 24 dec. (:

w143! gambatte!

i got to buck up on my studies man!

a lil updates!

2008-09-23T09:53:00.008+08:00

hello everyone! i know i havent been updating alot.. have been pretty busy u see.. and i am getting kinda lazy to come online. haha. SO. what have i been up to?

(:

first up, as you can see the picture below. i went to the glasshouse FISH & CO.
because!!!!!

miss shella lau c.g has officially stepped into the 20s club!!!!
yea..!!! (:

come and join me liao. HAHA.
and yep, her birthday's on 19th Sept.. we took couple of pics. and it is in random order! haha

she always so drama de lo. drink clam chowder also must be like that. HAHA

dunno what wish is she making here.. see that *amp chio*? HAHA. maybe she's wishing for a ............ man in her life? LOL
the cake that tastes better than it looks.

SEAFOOD. (: シ―フ―ド。
her long eyelashes. haha. which she only had on like.. 2 mins. *pekchek* haha
instant bigger eyes!

and! also, just to upload this picture of a wedding i attended last last week.. this was my neighbour when i was staying in redhill.
many of you thought i stayed in boon lay all my life, no lei.
i used to stay in redhill, near to mount faber.
ha. but u would wonder why u didnt know about that..cos...
i shifted to boon lay when i was 7.. so, it's been 14 years.. (:

so,anyway! this lady was our neighbour..and she's in city harvest now also!(:
i used to even call her san-jie when we young, cos we were close. (:

now, she's married! congrats!!!

so, anyway, i shall end this here..the next entry i'm gonna blog about...
is my compilation of weird dreams!!! heh. (:

p/s: not going to blog about taiwan..go read my sisters' blog. heh. she had leave, so she had time to blog about that. i don't.

back from taiwan...

2008-09-10T10:44:00.002+08:00

hello.

i believe a lot of you already knew that i am back from my taiwan trip already..

am sure a lot of you are dying to know about my trip.. LOL *like real*
but anyway, i am going to blog about it.. HAHA.

BUT! not today, it is too long an entry and i really don't have that time to do all that yet.
ha.

due to my being away for a week, i have like a thousand things on hand that need to be done and i am like not even halfway done.

this is really not good.

so, await my blog entry..
in the meanwhile, you can read elaine's blog as she blogged all about it during her 2 extra days of leave.
(:
she is erjie on my link anyway! (:

flowers.

2008-08-30T22:37:00.002+08:00

i know this is pretty random. but i realize that i actually like flowers.
(:
it has a certain power in brightening up one's day..

i used to really like lilies, that's why you would notice why people give me lilies..
but..it is too short-lived already. don't like that. i still like lilies now though. HA
daisies are really pretty as well.

so.. i like flowers! (:
and i am so sad when i got to throw them away today. it no longers looks like the pictures..
it has withered. =(

of course i kept my members' soft toy flowers la!
HAHA.

anyway. read kun's blog just.
come to think about it..

if he were to die/leave this world/etc,
i don't think i can take it. =(

seriously.

it is more than just leaving this world.
i wouldn't know if i can ever get to see him again.

and i feel so sad.

he means too much to me already.
someone whom i grow up with.
a strong friendship/cousinship from since i was 5 years old...

thinking about all these just makes me feel so sad.
if he were to be not around today anymore, and i cannot see him in eternity.
i don't know how i can get on with my life here on this earth.

too painful for me to bear.
=(

it is so scary.
kun... i think you know what i want to say.

hai.

life goes on...

2008-08-29T23:17:00.003+08:00

life goes on after SOT, yep,
and i am still trying to get used to it all..

clocking in every morning, praise & worship, serving on choir and back-up vocalist.
hearing the WOG, seeing my beloved team 7..
people from other teams, wonderful people,
fellow TLs, very energetic taiwanese..
doing admin work everyday..

praying, experiencing God, falling under the power of God.

it was all so good.

ah.................
i miss SOT already.

but now, it is time for us to go out there!
do the things we are equipped to do! (:

it is all so cool!

and.......

taiwan trip is coming up in...........
2 days time!

(:

so, guys, if you are not able to get me between sept 1st- sept 7th.
i am in taiwan! (:

SOT GRADUATION DINNER! (:

2008-08-23T12:48:00.006+08:00

photos. photos & more photos.
this entry and the next entry will be peppered with photos. (:
at least those that are on my phone..
those that are taken with others' cameras....
well, that got to wait!

SO, last friday, we had our SOT graduation dinner!
it was pretty cool.
we had it at SRC which was somewhere like between raffles city & esplanade(!my fav!)
and the dress code for that night was.... LA STREET.
haha.
didn't know what to dress with that theme.. and so,
you can't go wrong with ED HARDY.
but, then again, if i had the time, i would have put to much thought what to wear.
since ED HARDY is a commodity in church. HA.

we had BBQ styled food, cooked by chefs! ( one of them is our fellow classmate!)
and it was really good. everything is good.
the mass dance was interesting..... hmm. ha. but i got stepped on my some sister's high heels shoes and i have a wound on my feet now. *ouch*

nice time of fellowshipping and photo-taking obviously. HA. (:
took a lot of pictures, but a lot of which is not on this entry, cos, as i said, not on my phone!

nice performaces. shih-chouh did a song item, played the guitar himself and sang himself..
didn't get into top 3 places, but he won himself a girlfriend in jih-ahn!
so, who's really the winner? (:

it was so sweet & anyway, he presented a rose to jih-ahn. (:
hope i can see them when i go to taiwan next week!

the performances were all so entertaining, ha.
and i got to know peter's talent. in cross-dressing? HAHA.
team 19 has cool bollywood dances..
team 15, singers of course. ( Slyvia & Roy is in that team la!)
team 8 presented song item, 881 style. LA Ge Tai. LOL
eh.. one sister did a hair-styling thing, pretty cool. and....
i forgot what did i miss out.. did i miss out anything?
hmm.
our hosts for that night are highly entertaining.
well done Lingual & Wenfu!
Wenfu is one funny guy man.
i think he was like 100% 'tamer' in batam than that night.
lingual just have to look pretty on stage and she does fine! HA

guitar man that night, is Jessel, of course. who else man! HA
songleaders, Faith & Roy for the last time.. =(

ah... i will miss everyone so much..
SOT has already became so much of my life.. now...
we got to say goodbye.
5 months of bible school.. has been tremendous.

u know, we learned in getting started that it takes 3 weeks to pick up a habit and another 3 weeks to accustomed to it. 6 weeks altogether therefore to form a new habit.
and we're like long past that 6 weeks period.

I MISS SOT AND I MISS EVERYONE!!!!

alright. enough with the ramblings. check out some pictures i took with some of the coolest people around!

HUILING! (: thank you for being my cell group's 'jiu xing'!

talented bassist. BUT. lame as well.

you got to give it to ZENGMIN.

MICHELLE! (:

da yan mei nu!

sunshine boy nominee

& my new member's brother coincidentally..

YU XUAN.

cute taiwanese PO TING. ha

this is LIN JUN JIE.

seriously.

the very talented, multi-tasking SAMUEL SOO!

he has 4 ministries can. PRO!

BING LING! gorgeous lady. (:

ROGER!

great make-up artist from TAIWAN. (:

power-packed duo!

JEREMY & SALOME.

JASPER CHAN.

shella's CHEC guitar teacher!

very adorable CHIEN YUN.

shih-chouh's hot girlfriend. JIH-AHN! (:

walking band, as quoted from zengmin, or was it gabriel?

SHEENA. (:

last but not least....

cute preacher..

AILIN!

miss you all!!!! (:

i wish...

2008-08-16T10:31:00.002+08:00

i wish that i can do a lot more things that i can do right now.

i wish that i can teach the young people more effectively.

i wish i can give my members convincing reasons why Jesus is worth everything.

i wish i can convince them that putting God first even ahead of their studies will be rewarding.

i wish that people will know the life we live here on earth is a tiny fraction of eternity.

i wish that people will know that God is love.

i wish that people will know that the things on earth that can satisfy them now is only temporal.

i wish that people will know that avoidance is not a solution to anything.

i wish that people will see when the devil is trying to attack their lives.

i wish that people will realize God is not here to take away everything they love and cherish.

i wish that people will be convicted that God does not shortchange us.

i wish that people will learn to yield to God more.

i wish that people will not change overnight.

recently, been feeling a deep pain and grieve in my heart.
over a number of people i have been talking to and reading their blogs and hearing about them.

it isn't easy being God.
to create someone you love,
to put great thought into their lives,
to love them,
to give them what they want like a loving Father,
to give them free-will to choose what they want cos you love them,

knowing the fact that..

the one you love may not choose you.

i think it is painful.
suppose if i love someone today.
suppose if it is my boyfriend.
and i try to give him my best.
love him, support him, spend time with him,
make sacrifices for him, giving up what i love most in order to have a relationship with him..

but, in the end, he ran away.
he said it was too much pressure to be with me.
he said it was too demanding to be with me.
he said he have to give up to be with me.

and, yea, just ran away just like that.

ouch.

guess that hurts.

don't really like it when people think that by coming to church, they are shortchanging on their own lives.
cannot hang around friends, cannot earn money, cannot have time to themselves..

it makes God looks like an evil man who deprives us.
don't like that.

never regretted a second of my life after i given my life to Jesus.
it may be 9 years 2 months 17 days.
it is a lot of sacrifices.
yes, a lot a lot of them.
but if you give me another chance to choose again,
i won't trade this opportunity to know God for anything in the world.

not just because i want to go to paradise.
because God loves me.
with everything that He has.
like a loving Father.

i know i may sound like a fanatic to people who don't understand what i am doing.
you may think that why am i crazy to trade my life for a God that i cannot see, cannot touch physically and cannot hear audibly.

but i know His love is real, and no one on this earth knows me better than He does.

Only He can bring restoration to my life.

All i need is Him.
nothing more.

i wish that i can be a better leader who can lead young people to love Him.
i am not there yet, but this is what i wish i can do.

xiuwen will revive her blog again.

2008-08-13T15:12:00.002+08:00

hello everyone.
i am back from batam.. haha. some of you may not even know that i was away.
after all, it was over the weekend and i don't update my blog that frequently. LOL

batam emerge was good, and i really get to experience what is it like to work as a team to put an event together, to serve the people, to memorise songs in a language that i cannot understand..
and i really like indonesian songs.. it is so simple, yet sincere and powerful. (:

also, through this trip, i got to know my SOT mates more..
my room mate was LENA. (: She's really a great sister and very nice girl. (:
FELIX is so blessed. HA.
anyway, we had quite a long chat on saturday night, our last night at the hotel.
great talk but the content is confidential. HAHA

also, i got to chat with some of my SOT mates whom i normally see around but don't talk to, and i got to know a few people i have never seen around school as well... (:

BOBBY preached 2 great sermons and led 1 prayer meeting through the conference and it was AWESOME. managed to hear JONATHAN TANG's testimony and really amazed at the change in his life. it's really great to see how his life is changed and restored!
and i went to take a picture with him that night! HAHA. well, we are graduating soon....

anyway. just want to share about a weird incident that happened this trip.

we stayed at this hotel called ISLAND GARDEN HOTEl. not too bad, considering it is pretty cheap when converted to S$...
but i met a weird fellow... AGAIN! -_-"'

yes, AGAIN. i will share with you my other experiences after i share this incident at BATAM.
SO.
on saturday morning, LENA and i went downstairs for the buffet breakfast that normally hotels provides, and when we got downstairs, we realized we forgot our breakfast vouchers. so we decided to go up once again together to get the vouchers.
when we walked back to the lift lobby, we saw this 2 men waiting for the lift as well.
one of the men then said 'hi' to me, but realizing that i don't know him, i ignored him.
(I normally don't entertain these kind of random people. you'll find out why later)
then he said, "I know i don't have the christian look"...and etc..
then i felt bad cos i dun wan to portray a kind of image like christians are so dao and all..so i just smiled at him.
he then chat me up a little, and asked us why are we in town for... etc etc.
then he asked me, if i was free to meet him for dinner that night.
-_-.
i said no, i have something on till late at night, as we're doing an event there.
then, he went on further to ask if he can come find me at night after i come back to the hotel.
WHICH, my first response was, "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"
this is so ridiculous.
then he was like, yea, he don't talk crap and all, and ask to meet up and all.
then, i was saved by the lift!
he arrived at his floor, which like, before he left, he pat me on the shoulder and said, "Hope to see you tonight'
-_-""""""
this is so ridiculous!
and i wasn't even wearing revealing clothes!
i had on a long sleeve round neck top and long jeans lei!
isn't it ridiculous?
and the man is like... my papa's age.
buay tahan.

and you know, this is not the first time i encountered such situations already!
let me share with you a few.

CASE 1:
there was once i sent shella to the traffic light then walked back along the road back home.
THEN, there was this car that stopped by me, the man wound down his window, and he actually asked if he could send me home.
so i said no, and that i stay nearby, and i tried to quickly walk away to avoid the man.
but, this man was like so persistent, he even opened his car door and asked me to hop on!
he kept driving alongside me, and he kept saying that he would want to send me home.
i said no no no no. and he wouldn't give up!
finally, he gave up in asking me to get up the car, he then asked me if he could date me.
-_-
thank God that there was people around when i reached the bus stop, then, he just drove away.

CASE 2:
i went to genting march 2007 with shella and my parents and i met an ex-primary school friend. we haven't seen each other for like 7 years and the last time we stayed in contact, he was trying to woo me la. but i rejected him anyway.
and, well. after meeting up to chitchat while in genting, he started telling me nonsense like he still liked me from a few years ago and wants me to be his girlfriend there and then!
he even tried to put his hands around my shoulder and all la.
and he already had a girlfriend then, and he lied that he doesn't have one.
-_-
this is so ridiculous. how can some guys be like such glib talkers and liars!
i must say, SOME guys..

CASE 3:
while waiting for a bus to go to work last december,
at 8 30 am, i saw a flasher at the bus-stop.
and, yes, he flashed at me.
-_-
this is quite traumatizing. and not something i want to talk too much about.
=(
but it was rather disturbing and disgusting.

i really do not understand why!
i am not like the typical pretty pretty sort, yet, such things happen to me, more than once.
-_-

this is so weird!
but, at least, everytime, i am protected.
but i realized that i am sometimes the 'object' of harassment.

i don't want this kind of attention!!

haiyoyo.

i don't need numerous 'bad tao-huas'
can i meet please meet good guys?

shella lau, why did u curse me 4 years ago!

HAHA.

alright.
enough of lamenting!

good tao-huas please!

LOL

been challenging but hanging on! (:

2008-08-06T23:25:00.004+08:00

hello!

after i have been M.I.A for some time, i have decided to pop back into action again before kun declares that my blog is dead!

so yep, first up, you see this picture of this little cute thing, which is what we call the iPOD. (:

eh. iPOD nano to be specific.

now, you may be thinking.

"why is xiuwen so random to post this picture up"

well. because....

THIS BABY IS NOW MINE!

haha. (:

i know it is not exactly the newest thing. and i didn't think about buying it before.

have been a creative supporter previously.

but after having this baby,

hai. i am now drifting over to the apple gang.

their things are like just so nice and cute and ... ... ...NICE!

and yep, i am sold. don't be surprise if i decide to get a mac book eventually.

LOL.

BUT, not yet la. i am still pretty loving my LG

yep. it is still pretty.

so lovely. (: heh.

and i have gotten it at a nice price. (:

so happy so happy!

and apple products just makes you feel like protecting them. haha. dunno why!

maybe due to the price!

so, anyway, on sunday, w143 went to.. EAST COAST! (:

celebrate our dear gary and may's birthday!

so cool~~~~~~

and i wanted to get a little tanner from east coast. at least i was hoping that i would.

and yep, you guessed it. i didn't even grow a fraction tanner.=(

only got 2 pictures here. the rest were taken by other people. most of the pics were taken by gary. and since his computer failed him again, we prob wont see the pictures.

by the time we receive it, we probably forgot about the celebration already. LOL

so yep. 2 pictures. not everyone is in the picture!

for example, me! cos i was taking the pictures. HO.

birthday boy also not in. he was taking pictures too.

and! that day i discovered my brothers de 'talent' again. HAHA.

do you know i have a S.H.E in my cell?

they are not selina, hebe and ella.

they are sei-li-la, hei-bi and umbrELLA.

HAHA. hilarious. HEI BI wouldn't want me to reveal his identity, so i shall keep it secret.

AND. sei-li-la is hot! HAHA. wait till u see his 'sexy' pose. LOL

and umbrELLA. has always been talented. so yea!

w143 rocks through the ceiling all the time!

i need to shout this out!

MY DEAR DEAR W143 IS AWWWEEESSSSOOOMMMMMMEEEEE!!!!

and then. yep. on the serious side.

it is a very challenging time right now!

tough tough tough!

juggling between SOT & NTU. running to 2 locations for classes while teaching 1 additional tuition assignment!

today was one crazy day too!

went for SOT from 8 45 to 1 00pm

den chiong to NTU for 1 30 lecture. forensic science and econs lecture.. all the way tillll...........

6 30 pm. den reached my tutee's house at 7 15 and taaught until 9 15! (:

and i made it through the day! HALLELUJAH! (:

haha. and i forgot there's SOT exams! *gulps*

but, alright la. hanging on strong. cos God always gives me new strength to carry on!

YES!!!

anyway,

really love w143. thanks guys, to those of you who took own initiative to want to rise up.

you guys may be young, but i believe you can do great things.

i am just so proud of all of you!

thank you for standing with me, walking through my 10 months in leadership.

i love you all~

*muacks*

please pray for me!

counting down....

26 days to my 台湾之旅~

一切完美。

2008-07-23T23:21:00.002+08:00

i was watching this channel U show on TV just now. and yep. it is the 10pm show--一切完美.

i guess it was the very first episode that i watched for the ENTIRE episode. HAHA.
i know it is a nice show. Yet i am not able to watch due to various reasons. WELL.

ANYWAY, i didn't intend to watch the episode today de. but while i was watching the 9pm show, the trailer for this 10pm show enticed me to want to watch today's episode.

WHY?
cos the trailer included this scene where julian hee (forgot what's his name in the show) brought his girlfriend xiao li to watch a movie, and in the cinema, someone made a negative remark toward xiao li and told julian hee something like he better watch himself and don't choke on her fats/脂肪or something.

OOH. weight-issue. now that is interesting. So. i decided to watch the 10pm show today.

and you know, it got me thinking. i was asking shella just now. what would you do if you were in xiao li's shoes? like, you are fat, or not so good looking and you have a very fit and handsome boyfriend? hmm.. for me, i feel that it is rather hard to make it work. to a certain extent. it really depends on the girl's security in herself. how secured is she of herself as a person?

you need to be strong emotionally as a person to withstand:

1. mockery from people you do not know
2. mockery from your own friends
3. negative thoughts within self

it is like so easy to feel lousy about yourself, so, how can you keep telling yourself that you are good against the odds?

hmm. in the first place, who set the stereotype that handsome man can only pair up with beautiful woman?
then, who set the standard for who is good-looking and who's not?

i guess beauty really lies in the eyes of the beholder.
and in chinese, we call it, 情人眼里出西施.
anyway, according to today's standards, 西施 herself may not be considered pretty.
and in some chinese's dynasty, only plump woman are considered beautiful.

hmm hmm hmm. so what is the standard of beauty in our world today?
瓜子脸？Big MANGA-like eyes? sexy lips like jolie? straight long hair? wavy long hair?
a slender waist? nicely-toned arms? a perky butt? nice, thin, smooth legs?
tall? short?

well well well.
so what is the standard of being handsome today?
chiselled jaw? nicely-toned body? thin and lanky? body-builder type? six-pecs?
eight-pecs? ten-pecs?!!! HAHA.
Very tall? Tall? small eyes? big eyes? thick eyebrows? thin eyebrows?

the list goes on and on...

so what is really beauty today?
i think no one can give a definite answer. because there is no definite answers to this kind of questions. it varies once again from person to person. what you appreciate may not be what i appreciate.

so, we should not really go on this endless pursue to perfection. because, it is like running a race that never ends. everytime you are near to the finishing line, the judges just extend the finishing line to some miles away once again.

OR,
it is just like running a race, expecting to win a great big prize.
you've tried your best, you've done all that you can.
and when you finally emerged as the winner, the prize was not what you expected all along.

then you begin to realize.

this race was meaningless to begin with.

thus, we really got to learn to love ourselves.
if we can only love ourselves when others love us,
if we can only love ourselves when others accept us,
if we can only love ourselves when others approve of us...

isn't it so fruitless.
at the end of the day,
when you thought you finally emerge victorious.

you find out that all you've done..
is all in vain.

so, how do you feel good about yourself?
it cannot be based on the standards of the world.

go to the creator. only He knows what you are meant to be.

it is like having a new invention. people may make a lot of comments on it, laugh at it, saying that it doesn't work well,.. etc etc.

BUT, only the creator has a say on it. cos.. only HE knows how this invention should work and its full potential. (:

SO... i was telling shella, what's important is that you are healthy... good enough.
(:

at least that is what i intend to do.
i want to be fit!

so i do not fall sick.
and, doing sports is a form of relaxation.
and i just want to engage myself in a healthy lifestyle, so i don't leave before my time. (:
HA. so... yep.

got to go do some work liao ar!

KST!

2008-07-20T23:52:00.004+08:00

haha. finally i am back to blog after one week odd. and yes. i can upload photos now!
YEAH~

and, KST complained that i didn't blog for sometime liao. and yep, as promised, i am going to blog about YOU! YES YOU, KST!
today, after service, and various bible studies, we went to JP KFC to makan and fei-low-ship~
really FEI-Lo-Ship. haha. (:
random place to attempt to celebrate birthdays... but since the birthday girl has the craving.. so, OK!

this char bo really loves hello kitty. so we got her a hello kitty cake. (:

so cute right! she bu she de eat her kitty away in the end..
this is the birthday girl. her actual birthday is on the 22nd July. (:
and nope, RED isn't her favorite colour. ORANGE is.

she's camera-shy.. or is SHE? (:

and yep. the present we got for her. a very nice perlini silver bracelet.. hope you like it!!

and yep, my very lovely cell group filled with very good looking people. (THEY ARE GOOD LOOKING, I INSIST!)
(:

anyway, before i end off this post... just some words for our dear miss KST,

really very glad to know you and have you join us as part of our lovely family.
we're really so happy to have you with us...
and of course, our wish would be that you'll come join us on a more permanent basis as we want to see you more, our pretty lady! (:

last but not least, stop trying to lose weight la!

HAHA. W143 LOVES YOU~

i missed out a couple of birthday celebration photos and posts due to the problem with my blogger the other time, but my dear rachelle, wenshun, i still love u guys ok! HAHA.
don't feel neglected!

note to myself:
xiuwen ar xiuwen,
time to get it on. FOCUS. CONCENTRATE.
breakthrough is coming very soon!
hang on strong!
take care of your own body and recover soon!
thank God in advance first.

by the way,

i feel so loved today! (:
some of you may know, i have caught the flu bug and have fallen sick. but i have v sweet friends and members around to make me feel better. HA

was supposed to meet ng for breakfast, but yours truly overslept. -_-
something was wrong with my phone i think, when i checked it when i woke up, it was like in a -hang- mode. weird. so, couldnt eat breakfast with him. and this very sweet guy bought me a sandwich and some jin du nian ci an sweet, which he asked huitong to pass to me. (:

then i was under the sun, at the riviera helping out with the baptism stuff, and mr gary lim brought me a bottle of cold honey drink!!! (:

feel so loved by the people around me. (: (: (:

thank you guys!

simply complicated.

2008-07-09T22:34:00.002+08:00

a lot of things are going through my mind now.

as i come to a time of decision making.

to get into it, or not?

i am really not sure, but i guess i cannot just figure out with my human mind. i should pray about it.

things that are going to take place over the next few days:

Thurs
SOT exam
Teach Tuition
CGM
Finish Assignment

Fri
SOT exam
Assignment due

and other stuff..
hmm.

a lot a lot of things going through my mind.

sometimes i don't really know how to go about doing things.
but i guess i'll figure out a way.
as in, God will lead me through victorious. THIS i know.

i really need that i guess.

changed my blogskin.

2008-07-06T04:12:00.002+08:00

so, what's new?

miss chua xiu wen has changed her blogskin again. (:

i think this is pretty neat!
so, yea, chose this blogskin. (:

anyway, it is 4.12 am and i am changing blogskin and on the net. well. waiting for my hair to dry still. having short hair is =X= drying time shorten i guess. ha.

maybe i have really thick hair!
and. 6 days to hair transformation. (:

also, you would noticed i changed my list of songs as well. not new songs.. but, yea, songs that randomly think they are rather nice, introduced to me by my various dear friends, english songs, chinese songs and japanese songs. (:

just for this season, please bear with these songs! (:

i had a fantastic week in SOT with pastor mike connell. this man is totally far out awesome!!!!!
(:

i am soooo happy to be in SOT.
And having all the wonderful friends i made from SOT.
and all the wonderful things i have learnt.
other than awesome, it is still awesome!

haha.

cindy dydy advised me to upload photos unto photobucket.
think i'll do just that. lol.
soon. LOL.

celebrated my dear wenshun and poko's birthdays last saturday.
had a real good time. photos are on wenshun's blog and on serene's facebook.
so, you can take a look from there.
haha. i am such a bum!

lol.

ah ah ah. (:
there are quite a couple of things on my mind.
but i probably won't blog all that tonight.
well. taking into consideration, in about 6 hours, i got to be in church!
so, yea..

gonna sleep soon i guess. (:

by the time rachel can get to see this entry, we would have already celebrated her birthday. hehe.

she is also a fellow avid nail lover! hoho.
french mani to be exact. LOL. (:

trying to pull may into the gang. HOHO.

ok. this is getting slightly nonsensical.

(:

*yawn*

actually i am not that tired. HAHA.

i am insane!

yoyo.

*yawn*

okay.

to the bed and beyond! (;

*loves*

BIG *hugs* for everyone

突发奇想。

2008-07-02T01:02:00.004+08:00

毫无表情的脸庞，
也许是不想流露出自己软弱的一面。

有谁喜欢承认自己也有软弱的时候？

不知从什么时候开始，
就发现到，
软弱根本不是我的特权。

我有需要坚强的责任。
我不能倒，我不能放弃。

坚持到底。

不放弃，不难过。

我知道船到桥头自然直。
我知道会没事的。

也大概只能在夜深人静时，
才能暗暗地留泪。
不需要任何人知道。

没有人在四周，
大家都在熟睡中。

默默坐在窗前。

望着景色，

忽然有些突发奇想。

好累了，
也不知道我在说些什么。

我的床正呼唤着我了。

anyway，
希望有一天，
会有一位特别的人。。
自弹自唱一首歌给我听。

（：
只是希望，没太大期望。

still unable to upload.

2008-06-29T22:04:00.002+08:00

ok. i think it is more or less confirmed. my blogger doesn't allow me to upload pictures.

which is like such a sad thing. cos there's quite a lot of things i want to blog about with the pictures!

so. since uploading is not possible at the moment.. i guess i will not blog much too. HAHA.

a lot of things happened over this period of time. yesterday was wenshun and serene's birthday.. and i got photos to upload and stories to tell!...

but. cannot upload lei!

so, tell me, what should i do!

hmm hmm hmm hmm....

and, u know, i was talking to elaine aka erjie yesterday about some matters..
you know, it is really not easy being a leader..
but i will not give up on it, cos i love my members and i still want to do what i set out to do.

sometimes it is tough, i guess cos,
sometimes it seems like, u can never do enough for the people.
even when you put in 90% of your time already, people will still feel like, where is the remaining 10% that you have not given to us?

you know, things like that...

hmm.

anyway, don't really want to talk too much about this issue.
after all, i already know for myself i shouldn't expect much from people. we're all imperfect.

just that, sometimes u just wish tt they will understand u more, since they are closer to you and all.

but, well, at least in times like this, i know who is really closer to my heart.
so, yea. it's alright. (:

ok. down for awhile, but will pick up myself again and keep going.
i am getting good at this.

(:

JESUS! You're the strength of my heart!

hello!

2008-06-26T22:41:00.002+08:00

hello everybody! (:

i am still unable to upload pictures as, somehow, i can't upload.. so, yea, i am getting kinda lazy to upload pics lo. HOHO.

am slightly less busy than usual already. (: and i had cgm today. things seem to be getting better. (:

and agnes came today! YEA~
ritha and gina came too! (:

really v v happy.
kathryn led us in a very cute game. haha.
meow meow game. first time playing such a thing.
i am good at it. HAHA.

am in quite a good mood today. don't know why.
ha. maybe cos i had a good time with my dear w143. haha.

and, i think i want to be more active in NTU when school reopens. ha.
i know it will take up more of my time.
but i want something more out of my uni life! (:

but.. what should i do??? hmm.
join a club?
hmm. got to think about it..

and i am actually thinking of playing netball again! have the itch to pick it up once again..
and i have grown so fair now, it is scary!

haha.

there is actually a lot of things i feel like doing differently.
i guess, it is time for me to relook at everything i am doing.
then, replan everything, so i get to do some things i want to do as well!
i have only one life to live, got to live it to the fullest i guess. (:

gonna do a chinese blog entry soon! so my chinese don't get rusty. HAHA. (:

feel like writing a story. (:

soon i hope!

coming soon.

2008-06-23T23:13:00.002+08:00

i am going to blog soon! really really!

once my crazy week ends. (: i'll upload all the pics and blog blog blog!

haha. (:

show u nice pics of kathryn's jelly cake! hehe

(:

so, keep ur heart full of expectation. it's coming soon!

(:

anyway, mr teo eng hao, thanks a lot for ur encouragement tt comes every now and then.

you're really a very nice guy! (:

HAHA.

and.. one thing i must say, my W143 rocks through the ceiling.

i love you all!!!!!!!

muacks ^ 1000000

haha.

cannot upload photos!

2008-06-21T00:25:00.002+08:00

wanted to blog for sometime already, but unable to upload photos, so, yea,

NO photos lo.

kinda tired right now, physically, and mentally as well.

sometimes, i wonder how do i get through it all. but... well.

(: somehow.

so tired right now, will blog tomorrow about my week i guess.

tml morn i am gonna go serve in DIALECT CHURCH!

(:

back from youth camp and ready to go again.

2008-06-15T21:00:00.003+08:00

yep. CODE RED camp has come to an end and i got to say that it turned out great. (:

at the end of the day, i think the people felt really blessed. and that makes it all worthwhile.

even though the past 2 weeks was totally insane for me, and i had events and appointments packed from back to back to back.

for example, take an average day for example, just on monday, my day was lined up like that.

8am: reach church for sound check.
8 45 am- 1 pm: SOT
1 pm to 1 40pm: stayed back to settle some admin stuff
1 40pm to 1 55 pm: walk to gek poh shopping centre
2 pm-3 30 pm: met jarrett for lunch
3 30 pm- 5 pm: tutor ming sen
5 pm - 6 pm: travel down to PS
6 pm - 6 30pm: walked around PS for awhile while waiting for the meeting time with aileen
6 30pm: met aileen
6 30pm - 7 15 pm: travel down to US Studios at Joo Chiat
7 30pm- 10 15pm: band practice jamming session
1015-11 plus : travel home, den dunno what liao.

due to the busyness with pre-youth camp matters and also, during youth camp itself, i am already late for 2 SOT assignments.

and to be honest, i already feel exhausted!

prior to youth camp, i was already averaging 4 hours of sleep per day max.

and then during youth camp itself, i hit the ultimate low.

slept 2 hours in 2 days.

was tired, didn't get regular meals, and lost my voice as well.

turned out that i became quite sick on the last day of camp, had to cab home with rach, kat and xuan han after we break camp.

came home at about 3 plus..

concussed on my bed at about 5 plus pm.. wanted to take a short nap.. and wake up and continue to do stuff.

but, guess what?

when miss chua xiu wen woke up again to check the time, it was 7 30... AM.

i slept through the night and didnt even woke up once to eat, or whatsoever.

was just so tired.

so, yep, time for me to focus back on my SOT again.

my 1 week fast is gonna start tml! (:

perfect timing as it is time where pastor kong is coming to SOT!

hohoho.

alright. just a little peek at my things to do list.

1. mop the floor
2. hang my clothes
3. wash my clothes
4. finish up spirit-filled assignment
5. finish up good morning holy spirit assignment
6. finish up how to prepare bible messages assignment

and quite a couple more, but ain't gonna blog bout tt now. haha. it will scare you!

things happening this week!
monday: morn pm, SOT, teach tuition after SOT
tuesday: morn pm, SOT, meeting with pastor jeffrey rachmat
wednesday: morn pm, SOT, briefing for helping out with dialect church big day, teach tuition
thurday: morn pm, SOT, bs/prayer meeting, cgm
friday: morn pm, SOT, teach tuition, OPM
saturday: help out dialect church big day( bringing the old folks out! (: )
sunday: BS, sunday service, cg fellowship.

yep, my week at one glance!

(:

got to be disciplined to finish everything i set out myself to do. so, first up,

time to mop the floor!!!!!!!!!!

* but my energy tank is only 25% filled right now. if i were to lie down now, i would fall asleep IMMEDIATELY.

i am serious.

i am that tired.

just, i shall just keep going on.

GO GO GO!

tough.

2008-06-08T21:36:00.001+08:00

today i experienced once again,

what it means to come to the end of myself.

i have to learn to pick myself up.
everything is gonna be alright.

今日は。

2008-06-06T16:15:00.003+08:00

今日は！

私は　チュア　シュウエン　です。

ナンヤンりこ　大学の学生です。

専攻は中国研究です。

シンガポル人です。

宜しく　お願いします。

ＳＯＴの　試験は来しょうの木曜日、金曜日です。

大変ですね。

haha. kun ask me blog in jap.. but my jap is too poor to do a full entry. lol

stretched to the max.

2008-06-05T04:56:00.004+08:00

you know what, it is actually about 5 am the morning right now. i have not slept a wink through the night.

this is rather insane huh.

i have been doing stuff, doing doing doing through the night.

and i am actually not done yet.

i am contemplating not to sleep tonight.

but will i have the energy to go through tomorrow?

with SOT about 4 hours away, and after which i am suppose to go recce PHS with some of the zone leaders at 2pm and hold cell group meeting for my members at 6 pm.

doesn't seem like i can make it back in time for cgm if i go for recce tomorrow.

in any case, tomorrow my day will probably end at 8 pm, when my cell group ends.
and i have yet to finish my assignment which is due on friday.
and i have yet to start.

this doesnt seem good.

looks like i got to stay awake for 48 hours to do everything i got to do.

gosh. i need strength so badly.

God,

please empower me.

an apology.

2008-06-04T00:35:00.002+08:00

i know you will probably not read this,

but i just need a channel to get everything off my chest.

you know, i am so sorry that i always cannot be there and many a times, it may just seem like, i don't really care.

but, to be honest, it is quite on the contrary..

it goes a long way back. it is not just what's happening now. but it is really about the past as well.

i just feel that i don't know how to turn things around anymore.

i had really wanted to come. i know how important this kind of event is to all of you.

you may feel that i am not putting enough effort and priority into the relationship that we have.

but, you know what, i no longer know how to explain myself.

nothing i can ever say will be ever good enough to justify my absense.

all i can say is that i am so sorry.

but, i also no longer know how to come before you people.

if you would be gracious enough to accept my apology,

i am sorry.

really so sorry.

happy birthday.

chiiling out at....

2008-06-02T00:00:00.005+08:00

today was quite a busy day, like all other sundays..

after service, waited for pastor then we had meeting at the 4th floor cafe for the upcoming youth camp..

stayed in church till about.... say... 6 plus, 7?

was suppose to meet ng at somerset at 7.. haha. but thank God he had usher things to do until about that time too. so, we headed down together...

for our nice time of FELLOWSHIPING which we had decided upon a long time ago..

time to fulfill it. so, yep, we headed down to town area..

AGAIN, i EMPHASIZE, this ISN'T a DATE la!

*faint*

we went to this place..... do u know where this is?! ;)

so, anyway, we went to.... this place.. yep. NYDC.

only been there... 2 times ba. this is my third time there..

so, we ate this very very very very very very very nice thing.

which is my ultimate favourite!

POTATOES!

i love i love i love i love i love POTATOES! like LOVE it. totally. weird i know. but i love it. (:

we had this as well.. it is quite nice... really.

then we just got to have a mudpie as well.. so.. after some time of not knowing what to choose, the staff helped us choose this..!

special name eh. what has it got to do with grandma man!

nice! (:

would want to go there again next time! (:

anyway, ng ask to me say nice things about him... he bribe me with potatoes. heh.

so yep, i am going to say nice things.

JASON NG CHEE GUAN is a very nice brother, he is also known as bak kwa, not cos he is oily. LOL. just cos his name is similar to the lim chee guan bak kwa. haha.

and i knew this brother when i was 17, when i first got transferred to this cell group and he is a very changed man. (:

glad to have a friend in him.

anyway, he is unattched still.. so, if u are interested, please take a queue number from me please!

HAHA. subject to his CGL, elaine's approval.

p/s: do you know they opened a botak jones branch in boon lay?!!! (:

a random friday.

2008-05-31T21:16:00.004+08:00

just a summary of my day yesterday..

had an awesome day at SOT yesterday, last lesson of GOHS, and we had many many healing miracles. that one is simply awesome la. it is really kind of unbelievable. but i must get used to the working of miracles like it is 家常便饭. ha.

speaking of which..

i got to tell you man, my mum is an excellent cook, i think i am so not biased and i really love, like
LOVE her cooking lo. i really love home-cooked food, which i really start to appreciate after my house underwent renovation, and since the kitchen can't be used, we ate take-out food for 2 whole weeks.. after which, i totally missed home-cooked food!

you know, she likes to try out new recipes and she can always just easily conjure up my favorite dishes with a wave of her hands! (:

anyway, just to show u, she tried out something yesterday..

looks nice right, the picture doesn't do justice to her dish as it didn't fully capture the beauty of the dish. LOL.
it was some chicken chop fried with green and red pepper and some other stuff la. (: ha
i think it really looks nice lo. and it tastes good too.

i so must learn how to cook from mummy! so that next time, i can be the one to cook these dishes, if not these recipes will just be lost eventually. i want to be a good cook! haha.

next up, is my v adorable little nephew samuel who is gonna turn 1 in 19 days time! i went home after SOT before going to teach tuition for a few reasons..

1. eat.
2. see samuel
3. rest

most of the time i spent playing with him though. haha. he is so cute!
i love samuel! and another little baby esther is on the way! (: gonna be a december baby.

after teaching tuition, went to bugis to meet some of my members for a time of fellowship!

it is really times like this that i feel 'old' man...
my members range from 14-18. imagine that.
i am really like the da jie da!

so, anyway, we went to bugis junction. and i really have not been there for a very long time alr.
the place changed so much! suddenly, i felt like a mountain tortoise. -_-

well. we then went to pasta mania as some of them had pasta craving. maybe it is just MAY who had pasta craving and so, we stepped right in.

one thing i cannot really understand. why do my members love cheese so much!

it is really creepy kind of like! they can almost empty the whole bottle of cheese into their pasta..!

shiting is like that, may is like that, kenny is like that. the other time we went to pizza hut, just the 3 of them, we have to like 'kop' cheese from another table so that they can fully level their plates with cheese.

ok. it is not that much la. but still!

look at may's marinara.

this one is already not that bad.. she didn't put that much that day. ha

this was what happened to the cheese after she took her portion.

she almost emptied the thing la! -_-

they are so scary! but, since they don't put on weight, BAH.

then it is okay la!

and today, SATURDAY!
went to gym with shella in the early afternoon. (:

been a few weeks, hmm. 2 months since i last went to the gym. haha
tiring but pretty fun. i need the workout man!

den, went to NTI to eat 鱼肉粗米粉which i craved for since 2 weeks plus ago. i think it is nice as the fish is like so fresh and i like cu mi fen. heh. (:

den went over to church to eat it and do some planning for upcoming youth camp de praise and worship... waited for my members to reach at 4, den we prayed together in the 4th floor cafe, must be softer though to not disturb the other around us.. not a lot of people though as service started at 3 30 and many people went down for the service..

shella bought a pack of yupi heart shaped sweets which i think is pretty cute. (:

and i sang Lord i give you my heart, and i lifted up the little heart to heaven.

eh. i am quite lame.

anyway, kunfu panda is coming out in june! thinking of watching it as JACK BLACK is doing the voice for the panda. loved him since school of rock. i think he is really funny!

anybody want to watch kungfu panda?! (:

things to do list.

2008-05-31T00:16:00.002+08:00

there should be so many things i am doing right now, but i am just not doing it yet.

perhaps, i am overwhelmed by everything that i just can't get to the actual doing.

but, this is not who i want to be.

like what pastor kong, pastor tan preached, i seem to have come to the end of myself.
i really can't do anything on my own and i need the strength and ability of God.

this is like my cry for the past week.

it is really tough. tough.

i actually listed down my things to do list yesterday, so, i will not forget to get anything done.
and, you know what, i have actually about 40 items on my things to do list.

yea, 40.

and blogging is just not one of those items.

i should just stop doing the things that i shouldn't be doing and getting on with things i should be doing.

but, yet, my mind is so cluttered with lots of things i shouldn't be too concerned about now.

this got to be one of the most trying time of my life.

new level, new devils.

things i am involved with right now.

SOT, CK zone, Youth Camp, zone admin, Praise and Worship coordinator, w143, teaching tuition, ... that's quite hard to swallow.

*gulp*

i need to be more focused. focused. focused.

miss chua xiu wen. got to do better than that.

saying goodbye is never easy...

2008-05-28T23:23:00.002+08:00

i really hate it when i have to say goodbye. =(

especially when you do not know when is the next time you are going to see the person again.

we went to lau pa sat just now to have one last dinner with our dear jung mun, who is going to leave for korea tomorrow at 10am...

time just past ever so quickly and before we know it, it is time for him to go back to korea already!

he is really one great brother and one great person to know...

ah.. so sad!

anyway, so, we were at lau pa sat ( which shella claimed to be her family business-- her surname is lau anyway), and we took some pics, mostly not on my phone. need to get the pictures from some other people later..

and, yep, my best bud and me took photo again!

i don't really like taking pictures though. i don't look good on camera! hmm.

that's jung mun, right in the center..

yea. i know the quality is not that good. it is not that clear at night..

anyway, i will really miss this brother. as ng played the guitar and we sang for him, 'that's what friends are for', funnily, i actually got a little teary-eyed. i don't know why also, didn't get to know him really well in these few months, but, somehow, just feel sad that he is leaving, and not knowing when can i see this him again!

hmm. can't send him off tomorrow as i have got SOT in the morn, so, yep, i basically have said my last goodbye. take good care my dear brother. hope to see you again soon!

really hate to say goodbye... it is such a difficult thing to do!

but this also gave me new revelations.. which i will share another time.

got other stuff to do already.

jung mun, we will miss you sooooo much!

made-of-honor

2008-05-25T22:58:00.004+08:00

watched this movie today with my dear cousin wenshun.

thanks for waiting for me! i had meeting after meeting and only left church at about 6 30!

the movie is quite ok la. pretty sweet and all..

anyway, it made me think about 2 things!

1. do you believe in platonic friendship?

2. isn't it true that we always try to salvage something when we are at the brink of losing it?

you know, i used to really believe in platonic friendship.. but when i think about it once again, i didnt really have like platonic friendships before! (other than kun and wenshun)
in a sense like, this guy/girl (depending on ur gender) being ur best friend in the world, and throughout this whole friendship, neither of u had feelings for each other at all..

i am not talking about like good friends la. as in best best best of friends and never had feelings (as in romantic kind of feelings) for the other person before.

ever had those friends?

you know why there is this blank space in between, i tried a few ways to explain my situation, but, just don't know how to put it! so, decided not to talk about myself!
HA.

anyway, about the second point..

isn't it so true that we always just try to salvage whatever we're about to lose at the very last minute?

in the movie, the lead actor, tom( played by patrick dempsey) only realised that he had been in love with his best friend, hannah, when she was about to get married to someone else. and he only confessed to her the night before she was to get married.

hannah then asked him, "why tom? why now?"

she didn't want to accept him cos she just felt that he was just doing this now cos he was afraid of losing her. she said she needed someone who would be there for her at all times, not just come find her in a sense when she's about to be gone.

made me think. this is so true. we always wait. wait wait.

wait until a point when we're about to lose something then try to fight for it.

when all along, that thing/person has just been there.

and we allow ourselves to take that person/thing for granted..

until one day, the person you like is about to get attached/married, then u regret why didn't u woo this person..

until one day, when you are about to lose a certain position that you have been desiring after, then you try your best to fight for that place..

you know, things like that, along this line.

yesterday, i gave bible study to a group of malaysians from our JB church, and i told them this,

why do we always wait until our loved ones passed away without the Lord then regret why didn't we try harder to reach out?

you know, by then, it is too late...

just like in the movie, tom's dad actually shared with him,
after going through 6 marriages,

there was only 1 woman he really loved in his lifetime, but he didn't cherish her, until one day, she was about to leave him, then he realised her importance,

but, by then, it was too late, she could not wait for him to change anymore, and she didn't come back to him. he lost her for the rest of his lifetime, he tried to get together with other women, but, ultimately, the woman he truly loved was still his first wife, whom was tom's mother.

i know some of you may find this kind of storyline corny.. but.. well. it just made me think la.

(:

i must learn to act while i still can and not wait.

BUT! it takes a lot of courage and motivation to act while the iron is hot!

after all, procastination has been a big part of many of our lives...

i got to live life with an urgency ar!

BUT! i don't mean to say that we should just go confess our feelings to whoever we have feelings for! we got to think of the consequences i guess. when u are not ready, don't do it!

(:

btw, wenshun shared with me some stuff about what he feels after he comes back to church this time. i feel so happy and encouraged. cos he just shared with me himself and not cos i had to pep-talk him. cos, i know, this is not a work of men, but a work from God. i feel so glad that my dear brother has had an encounter with God himself. (:

i am just so glad. (:

my favourite time of the day.

2008-05-22T19:01:00.002+08:00

最喜欢傍晚了。。

太阳渐渐落下，天空泛起非常美丽的颜色。
是很难用言语来记载下来的。

今天的傍晚，吹气了阵阵的冷风，

凉凉的，让人感到很舒服。

原本就坐在窗口的旁边，忽然间就被美丽的傍晚吸引去了。

把一切放在一旁，就一下下就好，就一下下，

望出窗外。

风继续地吹着。。

真的让人觉得很舒服。。

很喜欢风吹得感觉，不是刮大风的那种。。

就是那种轻轻的，柔柔的，让叶子能在风中轻轻飞舞。。

就像回忆一般，被掀了起来。。

不仅把你带到过去，更把人带入对未来的憧憬。。

i really love the evenings.

perhaps it is just the serenity of it all, how peaceful it is,

how it seems to have the abilities to bring people back to the past, yet, also, bring people the hopes for their future at the same time.

but then again, we all face the same thing everyday, the dawn, the noon, the evening, the night..but yet,

some may love it. some may detest it.

i guess, it is all about perspective.

and for me, i always admire the simplicity of things. and i appreciate everything that God has created, indeed, it is beautiful.

(:

day 14 since rashes first appeared..

2008-05-22T11:50:00.002+08:00

yep. i am officially not contagious already.. I THINK. ha.

well, i am not a doctor, but according to the medical research i did online, i should be not contagious already since my chicken pox have all dried up, in the midst of 'dropping'.

(: since i have not been out for this past 10 odd days(except when i sneaked out to ikea on sunday night), i have become even fairer than before. yea. fairer. how to get fairer. ha. i have no idea.

anyway. i declare myself to be alright already! so, tomorrow, am going to go for er jie's make up cell group. but, yea, over the next 1-2 weeks, i got to embrace long sleeve and jackets i guess, until i am fully recovered from all the spots dotted over me.

can't wait to go out once again. can't wait can't wait.
i really want to watch a movie! and yea, various other things.

to think about the near-2-week confinement at home. it was not that well-spent in the sense i did not manage to accomplish what i had set out to do. heh.

i ended up surfing the net quite a bit. that's why you would have noticed, i blog almost everyday, still got time to change blogskins, change shella's blogskin.

ha. and.. i cleared out my stuff from the storeroom, packed my room a bit.

managed to settle almost everything for the youth camp praise and worship.

settled a couple of zone admin stuff.

erm. helped daniel practice and give him tips for mock cell group.

ha.

but, a couple of stuff i didn't manage to do. once this week is over, got to work very hard again! (:

it is alright. i guess i am used to work work work. it is like, when i was busy, i wished i had rest time. and when i am granted rest time. and yea, i-can-only-stay-home kind of rest time, i wished i could be out there doing things.

well well well. man just keep wanting more. we're never satisfied with what we have, isn't it?

so, i guess, balance is still the key to life. (:

alright. got to go do up a list of things to do and got to go sweep the floor! (:

need to do something.

2008-05-20T22:53:00.002+08:00

rested at home for about 9 days le.

cannot wait to get out of house and do a lot of things!

i want to be out there helping my team mates to tackle the mock cell group!

i want to be out there meeting up my cgcs for discipleship!

i want to be out there meeting my members for time of fellowship!

i want to be out there running the things needed for youth camp!

but at the same time, i know that i am not disciplined enough.

i need to change, seriously.. in a couple of areas in my life. i need to bring more order into my chaotic life.

pray more.

plan more.

read the bible more.

pack more things!

aiyoyo. bottom line, a lot a lot of things!

chua xiu wen, something got to change!

out after 8 days of staying at home.

2008-05-19T23:10:00.003+08:00

went to the alexandra's ikea to get some stuff as our house is not completed yet. got some curtains, shelves etc.

went along, but i got to wear like long jeans and a hoodie jacket to ensure that i don't scare the crowd.
it was okay, but really kinda tired walking around. maybe cos i haven't been out for some time le..

went to abc market to eat after that. good for my family members, not that good for me.
there is like almost nothing i can eat. they ordered bbq chicken wings, satays, chwee kuei..

do you know i cannot eat any of these. so, i sat there and drank my sugar cane with lemon.
yea. and then jie fu bought some siew mai and har gau that i ate a little from.

i know i was kind of quiet today, but, there was just quite a couple of things going through my mind..

what exactly was going through my mind.?

lots and lots of things.

hmm. money was one of the things i was thinking about.
my health.
my cell group.
my members.
youth camp planning.
my sot team mates. wondering if they are prepared for a week of mock cell group.
myself.
my own life.
my future..

yea, random i know, but everything just came through my mind..

am kind of tired.
maybe due to my lack of sleep. so used to waking up early.. despite sleeping at like 4 plus yesterday, still woke up at 8 plus today.

fell asleep in the car on the way back.
i'll probably sleep early tonight..

anyway, shella smsed me just now when i was in ikea, she took an afternoon nap and she dreamt of this person that i have dreamt of twice before.

it was pretty funny why she dreamt of that person, anyway, she blogged about it.

who is this person? i won't really divulge, it is really so random and pretty funny.

anyway, this person didn't appear in my dreams already. so, yea..

last but not least, i really wish i could join my team for mock cell group this week. but i am still pretty covered up with chicken pox.. but all of it has already dried up and crusted over.
so, technically, according to medical research, i am no longer contagious.

but, the public might be afraid of me. i am like diseased woman like that..

i want to pray for quick recovery. quickly quickly quickly!

changed my blogskin again.

2008-05-19T14:31:00.002+08:00

haha. yea.

changed it again.

think this is not too bad.(:

am comtemplating sneaking out to ikea later on.

hehe. but it will means long sleeve, long jeans and a cap?

machiam terrorist man!

update again tonight.

am going to go to tampines ikea with family. in jie fu's car. so, should be quite safe..

(:

sunday afternoon and i am not in church.

2008-05-18T15:49:00.004+08:00

SUNDAY AFTERNOON and I AM NOT IN CHURCH.

this can't be it man.

feels funny on the inside.

so sad that i have to miss service. i caught service on and off 3 times this week,
S1, S3 and S4.

i miss the house of God already.

thank God i can go back to church next week already!

i miss church, i miss live praise and worship, i miss pastor Kong's live preaching.
i miss my members. i miss the house of God.

2 more weeks to my 9-years anniversary since i was borned again, also, as chc member.
52 x 9 weekends = 468 weekends

i think i have only missed service for... 4 times? 5 times?

the very first time that i missed service was in 1999.
that time had very bad PO, my mum and dad quarrel.. and a lot of stuff happened.
i was really young, both in age and in spiritual maturity..
i was 12 then. hmm. couldnt go that weekend, if i am not wrong, it was like family carnival weekend or something.

the second time should be cos my family went overseas to KL/some part of Malaysia or something. it was a weekend thing. Pastor Kong was doing the 10-commandment series.. and i missed commandment number 6, THOU SHALT NOT MURDER.

the third time.. should be when i was 14. i sprained my ankle that time. i don't even understand why did i miss service then. must be cause i wasn't doing well. if not i wouldn't like miss service for the world. this was when we were already in Jurong church.

the 4th time.. should be the time we went to bangkok.. that should be.. when i was.. 18? i remembered i was in jc.. right after my GP exam, i flew to bangkok with da jie. (:
and i think it was like a fri, sat, sun, mon thing.. so, missed service.

yep. this should be the 5th time i am missing service.

this is so insane. my memory can be pretty impressive huh. i remember all these little details. how i wish my brain had served me better in other areas. HA. say, memorising poems or something.

anyway. wonder what my members are doing right now?
fellowshipping?
hanging around?

hmm. i wonder.

anyway, i am all alone at home right now. (:

everyone's out!

got to settle my own meals today.. (:

alright. wan to get some packing done.

take care everyone. see you in about 6-7 days...!

p/s: the chicken pox on my back is H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E!
probably due to the sunburn, i have like hundred over chicken pox just on my back. it
is really gross. but healing quite fast ba. i think. continue to pray for me! maybe i can be
out in less than a week's time. (:

7 days since rashes first appear!

2008-05-16T23:45:00.002+08:00

healing fast!

(:

today, daniel came and visit me. how nice! thank you so much!
and he brought along his very nice sandwiches and a pack of potato chips. -_-

visit sick friend bring potato chips de meh.?

anyway, he is really nice, he also came so he can pass me the audio notes of what's been going on in SOT over the past week. and brought me some VCDs i can watch.
high school musical and its part 2 and IRON MAN. ha.

i wun actually be that interested in IRONMAN except that pastor ming said that it is nice, so i will block off time to watch soon ba?

food is a very nice gift people can give to me now cos i am really kinda deprived.
today, had 2 meals. 2 small bowls of porridge. haha.

but, i ate 2 sandwiches too! that daniel brought over..

can you imagine? my second bowl of porridge was samuel's portion actually.. cos, the potato in the porridge was too hard, he can't eat, so we did a swop. i ate a gg 11-month old baby's portion of food. -_-'"

that is how little i eat ok! when i pour all the porridge into my blue ikea rather small bowl, it only filled up 3/4 of that. HA.

ok la. i am getting used to it. mum was like, you want to lose weight right? still want to complain. hypocrite!
she call me hypocrite lo. ha.

anyway. alright la. today is a slightly busier day as i had to settle some youth camp stuff. how i wish i am not on mc, den i can start doing everything up, like meeting the musicians, the worship leaders and stuff like that.

but now, i am still gonna be stuck at home for 1 more week..

ENDURE!

in the meanwhile, my dear cell group cgcs got to work harder to stand in the gap.

jonathan got to work hard to stand in for me at SOT.

aileen got to stand in for me for the youth camp planning of P&W first.

thanks everyone!

monday my darling is gonna come visit me. i told her to buy the yu rou cu mi fen from NTI coffeeshop opposite church. HEH. craving!!!!

you know what i am going to do when i am well?

1. watch movies! (made-of-honor) chick flick i know, but it seems nice. ha. and i forgot what else. i really want to watch movies.
2. IKEA MEATBALLS.
3. meet up so many of the people i miss so much!

u know what, even right now i am hungry.

haiyohaiyohaiyo.

someone save me!

never mind, i have no idea why am i rambling so randomly.

anyway,
i want to end with this quote that i heard a long time ago.

叶子的离开，

是风的追求，

还是树的不挽留？

the departure of the leaf,

is it due to the pursue of the wind,

the apathy of the tree?

ha. pardon my translation.. it is an original chinese quote. (:

think about it.

a sweet visit in the afternoon.

2008-05-15T20:14:00.002+08:00

hey all.

i know that i have already blogged earlier today, and it is not my habit to do 2 entries a day. but i just got to do it.

my very very sweet cousin wenshun came and give me a surprise visit today! (:

i was reading my bible and the spirit-filled handbook this afternoon, then was tired and was just resting on my bed for a while when i received a phonecall from him.

which was of course a surprise as i wasn't expecting a phone call from him.

"hello"
"hello, wen jie ar. 可以帮我开门吗?"

haha. i was still like. huh? you outside meh?

yep and indeed, he came all the way from tampines to my place!
so nice of him. i am so touched.
and he brought along 3 bottles of liang teh.
and he bought for me 3 magazines for fear that i'll be bored at home!

he is such a sweet guy!

i am so so so touched. he certainly made my day!

thanks boon! love ya!

CHICKEN POX AS A MEANS FOR WEIGHT LOSS

2008-05-15T14:13:00.002+08:00

hello all.

do you know that chicken pox can actually result in weight loss?
lol.

yea, i always wanted to lose a couple of pounds.. but. i didn't expect it to be through this means lei.

you know, from the day i was diagnosed with chicken pox until today..

i already lost...

3 kilograms.

3 kg in like less than a week. i know this is not healthy!

my stomach was not like this flat ever since when.
seriously, i have no idea if this chicken pox is a blessing or a curse man.

why the weight loss? let me consider the possibilities.

firstly... due to food restriction i guess.

to quote the doctor, there is actually nothing i need abstain myself from accordingly to the western medic.

but, yea, i grew up in a chinese home. so yep. i have a million things i got to abstain from.
like.. my favourite CHICKEN. =(
i cannot eat chicken you know. this is such a torture.
and tonight, mama is gonna cook one of my favourite 药材红枣鸡.
i cannot eat!
other than chicken, also, like.. no dark soya sauce, no biscuits (???), no any dish that contains blackish ingredients, no beans of any sort.
i don't know lei, that leaves me with pretty much nothing?

secondly, my throat kinda hurt over the past few days.. so, it was kinda hard to swallow food. so, i actually mainly only ate porridge over the past few days. everyday it is ba chor beh. (肉碎粥)
thank God i actually like porridge.. but, yea, pretty much just porridge over the past few days.

thirdly, loss of appetite?
don't really have craving for food anymore. basically, even though i only eat porridge, i only eat about 2 meals a day. so, like 2 bowls of porridge a day?

well well well.

anyway, i am well on the road of recovery.. not growing new pox. just waiting for the old ones to burst and drop!

haha. yea. burst, and drop eventually.
fever is more or less gone.
hm. still no itch. just pain. probably due to the sun burn + chicken pox. =(

still missing SOT, of everything that i missed out.
missing cell group, missing SOT team.

missing shella who can't come visit me as she hasn't had chicken pox before.
i am only not contagious after all those POX has dried up.

missing the outside world a little.

missing hugging little samuel. i got to get myself 'quarantined' from him can?
i can only look at him from a distance and play with him. =(
so sad.

quarantine myself from everyone.
i stay in my room most of the time. which can get a lil boring.. so basically, my days are filled with reading the bible, on the net ( thank God for internet!), reply spiritual reports, watching tv and sleep.

when i feel better, i am so going to play the guitar! need to pick up again..!

then, clean up some stuff a lil. by the end of this week i guess.

yea yea.

alright. take care all.

and if you have been in contact with me last week, please pray for your own protection that you did not get infected. i'm praying for you too!

(:

day six since rashes first appear.

2008-05-14T12:13:00.002+08:00

yep. as my title suggests.

DAY 6 since rashes first appear.. and remember my blog post about why i guessed it couldn't be chicken pox. since the rashes only appeared on my sun burnt back?

did some research on the net since i had the time.

hmm. apparently, chicken pox is aggravated on skin that has been sun burnt. probably that's why it only grew there first.

so, yea. it is getting pretty bad. i am still awaiting my healing. but i believe many people are praying for me. so, yep, thanks..

and it is really heart-warming to know that there are a lot of people who cares for me.. like, people who noticed that i have been missing SOT..

for example, Brendan, one of the BVs at SOT actually got my number from one of my team members and checked on my condition today.. he is a really nice guy.

karista, noticed that i was not around for these few days, msged me to check if everything's alright. and that's when i told her that i have the chicken pox.

my team member msg me every now and then to check if i am alright and tells me that they are keeping my in their prayers.

some of my cell group members also do check on me and see if i am ok..

daniel helps me record down the lessons that i have missed.
thanks a lot dude. that'll really help.

since i am still in my contagious stage, i don't really welcome people to come visit now as mine is really bad. and when adults get chicken pox, it is much worse than when children gets it.
in a sense like, adults generally grow more.

yea. tell me about that. i have like HUNDREDS of chicken pox.

you know, i suddenly understood how the woman with the issue of blood and people with leprosy felt. i was just talking to dajie yesterday.. and she brought this up.

it was exactly the thing that went through my mind..

can you imagine.
for me, yea, chicken pox. i know everything will be over within 2 weeks. and maybe 1 month for everything to completely clear up. but those people who suffered in the bible times,

the woman with the issue of blood, suffered for 12 whole years.
and what about those people with leprosy? some of them suffered for their whole lives with leprosy..

wow. how could they bear it?

here i am, just 6 days passed with these rashes on me. i found it kinda unbearable.
and you know, if you know me, i am a person who can't stand little dots, little spots. funny, yes, i know. but.. yea, i don't know why. just gross me out. not in the sense of nice little colourful dots la.. hmm. aiya. don't know how to explain.

ANYWAY, yea. initially, when it was not confirmed that it was chicken pox. doctor diagnosed that it could be a skin reaction to UV ray. and rachel told me she had a friend with a similar condition and the spots didn't go away. WOAH. that kind of freaked me out.
suddenly, i was a little fearful what if these don't go away.

then, i had a thought. what if i don't get healed? will i still have faith? will i blame God? will i still serve God?

it was really tough. our flesh will blame God, turn away from Him and the devil will attack you in your face like,
"Look! You serve God and this is what that happens to you!"

but, we got to fight all these in our spirit man with sheer faith and determination.

this was really the moment where.

it really challenges me to say.

even if i lose everything i have, i will still love God.

our Christian walk is really an exciting ones. filled with different levels set with different ceilings for us to breakthrough.

previously, i have gone through different stages where different parts of my life has been challenged.

maybe, say,

in finances, as a student who didn't have much, to give a big proportion of what i have to God.

in.. relationships, where i had to make a stand and give up on quite a number of possible relationships all cos of 1 scripture " do not be unequally yoked with non-believers" and maybe also, for everything under the sun, there is a time and season.

i struggled with that a little bit. but, yea, eventually, kinda gotten a breakthrough. now, i am more attracted to spiritual people. erm. MAN to be exact. in fact. ONLY MAN. haha.

then, yea, it is all about giving, i am willing to give up my time, a lot of things..

but yea, now, is the next level.

indeed, if i get struck with a sudden disease that caused me to look hideous. can i live with it? can i still trust God?

so, there i was, sunday morning, i was right at the first row, praising and worshiping God.

and then the band began to play and pastor Yong began to led us.. into this 2nd worship..

" i love, because You first loved me,
i live, because of what You gave,
You died, showed me how to live
You mercy taught me to forgive
You came, and poured Yourself so free
Your blood, washed away my shame
And now, I can live again
I'm more of You and less of me..

My first love, forever You will be
My first breath, You're the life in me
My first joy, the world can never take from me,
My covenant, with You,
JESUS."

you know, as i began to sing this song.. tears welled up in my eyes.
cos, yea, all that i have right now, is all given to me by Jesus.

why do i love Him, it was because He first loved me.
I live today, is all because of what He gave to me.

who am i to point my finger at God for the bad things that has happened? or the good things that have been taken away? in the first place, He was the one who have freely given me all these.

He is the one who has given me my gifts and abilities.
What if 1 day, i can't sing anymore?
He is the one who created me, and given the the looks that i have.
What if i develop a skin disease and never recovered from that?
He is the one who has given me promotions in life.
What if i am stripped from being a cell group leader, a team leader, a song leader?
He is the one who has given me my family to begin with.
What if i lose any family members?
He is the one who has given me my earthly possessions.
What if 1 day, i lose everything i own?

what will i do about it?

now, some of you might feel,

WAH. xiuwen, this is so exaggerated. out of chicken pox also can say so many things ar?

well. what can i say. this is a revelation. think about it...

but, at least, for me,

i am thanking God, nothing ever happens without Him knowing anything.

so, yea. this time that i get chicken pox is approved by God.

well. He knows me. He knows that i don't like to take breaks. maybe that's why i am in this situation that i don't have a choice. i HAVE to rest. stay home and rest.

so, yep, it is alright. maybe time for me to rest my vocals. before i lose them for good.
and spend this time to do things that i didnt have time to do previously. day 3 of my MC. 11 days to go. (:

i think this must be the longest MC i ever got. the last one i got was 10 days. and i thought that was long already!

so, yep, for all of you who care about me, i just need one thing yea?

please pray for me speedy recovery and that i will not have any scars ok! (:

thanks!

chicken pox getting worse.

2008-05-12T09:24:00.003+08:00

didnt have a good sleep last night.

it was weird. i went to bed at about 1045 as i was still feverish... woke up at 1224, and i thought i had already slept till the morning..

went back to sleep.. woke up at 1 plus.. again, it felt like i've slept for many hours..

went back to sleep..woke up at 2 plus.

went back to sleep..woke up at 3 plus.

went back to sleep..woke up at 4 plus.

it was almost never ending!

again, woke up at 6 plus, den 7 plus, den 8 plus.

but nonetheless, i dont feel tired.

and still, my spots dont itch. but i am in pain... the spots are getting more and more.. all over..

and my face is infested with those spots.. seriously, i look like a monster now..

it is scary...

i need recovery soon!

feels terrible..

two weeks mc. =(

2008-05-11T21:36:00.002+08:00

guess what guys.

i am on 2 weeks mc.

the condition i described to you guys has worsened.. and it spread to other parts on my body..

went to seek 2nd opinion and.... yep.

doctor told me that it is chicken pox.

strangely. it doesnt itch.

guess i should be thankful.

and.... hm

so, you guys wont see me in action over the next 2 weeks.

i'll miss everyone so much. =(

and i cant hug little samuel.

and i can't go to SOT.

no cell group.

no service.

no tuesday meetings.

guess it is time to 闭关修炼 (bi guan xiu lian)

practice my guitar. pray more, read the bible. do my assignments.. pack my stuff. yea...

look on the bright side ba.

please pray for me!

2008-05-10T14:51:00.003+08:00

hey everyone.

it is a saturday and i am actually at home!

do you know why?

well, i went to the doctor just now as i noticed there are rashes or like little spots on my back.
it looks something like that. LOL. i think i am talented can. i used paint to conjure this picture.
it is certainly not easy. you can try this in your own home. it is certainly not easy.

ANYWAY, yea, my back looks like this. cos... remember my last blog entry? i went to sentosa last sat.. and had quite a bad burn. in a sense. so, the shape of my racerback tank top is pretty obvious on my back.. and the rashes are like just around my burnt area.

btw, there are not that many rashes. just that i got too carried away drawing those little dots. (:

so, yep, went to the doctor.. and she said i might have chicken pox!
i had fever last night and still a slight fever today.. 37.9 degrees celsius.

hmm. i was a little worried then. cos getting chicken pox= 2 weeks MC.

NO WAY! that can't happen. i have too many things to do already!

so, i msged all my members to get them to pray for me..

and then, the doctor called me on my mobile and said that it might be due to the burn..

tml, i be going back to the doctor again to check if it is truly chicken pox or burn..

please let it be the latter!

and well. it should be the burn right?

cannot be that the chicken pox just grow on like selective areas huh?

and. also, it doesnt itch.

and. it just doesnt make sense!

hmm.

my er jie had chicken pox 4 years ago, and living under the same roof, i didnt get chicken pox.
i had vaccination when i was younger you see..

hmm. whatever it is. please please pray for me!

i need healing!

no chicken pox!

sentosa on 030508! (:

2008-05-07T17:47:00.002+08:00

it was really fun! i want to go again soon! (:

anyway, i seriously need healing for my voice..

VOCAL FATIGUE.

i shall speak less. but... like quite impossible.

1. got to sing in the morning for either BV/choir for SOT.
2. afternoon got to stay back for practice..
3. tuesdays song lead for zone meeting.
4. lead cell grp on thursday.
5. debrief everyday!

(: i need to have better voice! am so frustrated over having no voice! i can't sing!

(:

labour day! in its fullest meaning.

2008-05-01T22:51:00.003+08:00

today is labour day! and yea, my whole family experienced this day to its fullest meaning..

why?

cos, it was a day of labour!

it is pretty ironic to use labour day to do manual work. it kinds of defeat the purpose for the day of rest, yet.. it is called labour day. hm.

anyway, our renovation/shifting is about to be done all soon! (:

will take pics of the new home soon! (:

anyway, pics of our labour. partially!

er jie and i shifted the HUGE wardrobe out lo. (:

found this while packing my room the other day. was a birthday gift.. say..5-6 years ago i think. (:

it is nice. but i threw it away alr. no room to put it.. it shall be kept in memory... (:

btw. 7 MONTHS into vow le, not 6!

6 months since vow.

2008-05-01T01:31:00.002+08:00

it is may 1st, so, that also means that i am 6 months passed my vow already.

for those of you who understand, yea, i am on vow.

for those of you who don't, nevermind, you don't have to know. (:

you know, in doing a reflection of myself thus far, i can only say i am rather weak in the area of relationship, and, well, to be specific, it is in BGRs.

why am i on vow? it is precisely cos i know i am not ready to be in a relationship.
just... not ready.

it is like, i just feel that i could never make up my mind firmly on a person. it is not that i am a flirt or what. but, i just can't be SURE that so-and-so is going to be the one for me.

i don't know if it is a problem with me? that i can't seem to make a decision about choosing a bf?

or is it just that i have not met the person meant for me?

many people often don't believe that i have never had gone official b4, that is to have a bf (technically), so when i finally manage to convince them, they'll just ask me,

"is it cos ur expectations too high?"

no la. hmm. just couldnt get to the stage of accepting to be a person's girlfriend.

yea, over the years, i had suitors. some good, some.. erm. not so good..

but, yea, i had my fair share of experience with relationships..

but i guess it is also over the years that i discovered more about myself, or rather, not that i discovered more, it is just that i have changed over the years..

when i was younger, i used to be rather immature, in a way. hmm. though i was already considered mature for my age. i made a couple of bad decisions, and etc and i learnt from all that.

and now, sometimes i feel lost as to.. when can i accept a person and when shouldnt i? hm.

but a few things i know for myself, as i seen guys over the years,

i know for myself:

1. the future bf i have must be a mature person. and yep, not just in terms of age. but, have a mature mind. at least must be more mature than me. that's real important.

2. able to communicate with me and there must be a flow!
really can't stand it when proper communication can't take place and/or communication don't take place.

3. emotionally stable person, who will be firm and steady to help me when i am down/sad and not to add on further to my pressures.

4. must be a man. ( like DUH.) but, man in a sense like... hmm. have MANHOOD. yep. that's the word.

5. must be a man of God! who is strong, loves God, serves God wholeheartedly...

yea. this time round, i got to be so watchful, will not compromise for anything lesser.

i need to grow stronger oh Lord.

6 months to go. let me really learn what i got to learn and move on stronger.

really need that and not be distracted.

hmm.

my birthday update!

2008-04-30T23:57:00.009+08:00

hello everyone! just a quick update of my birthday pics. (:

my birthday is on 26 Apr anyway. ha. my blog add should alr have been an obvious clue all along! (:

this is only a small potion of the pics taken tt day. too many pics taken on different cameras le. so, guys, if u have some pictures on ur phone or cam, please send it to me ya! (:

my pics are all in random order.. so, yep, pls bear with me!

first.. pics of my good friends in the church. my ex cg mbrs..

shella darling, me, daniel yeo, alan peh and diana at the front!

mr gary lim xuan han and me. (yala, u're very young la!)

my buddy and i. she put in a lot of effort for my birthday.. (: thanks babe. MAY also. but i dun have the pic tt i took with her tt day! THANKS A LOT MY DEAR MAY!

MR JJ RONALDO. (: thanks for coming!

my great da jie! (:

the cake. (:

the very sweet victoria.

samuel boy! and da jie.

frm cindy. (:

from w116.

from shella, diana, pok and e448

from shella and alan!

from chong.

from PJ netball girls!

eh. from various ppl. ha. green water bottle from ng! edts and nikki fletcher book from my beloved cell. they are so sweet can! the book has nikki's signature and she even wrote my name on it! (:

Solvil Titus from my netball dear girls.

braun buffel and $110 capital land voucher! (:
wallet from er jie and shi fu and voucher from, ng and cindy, hau and ying!

fake lashes from diana. i wonder when i will use this. ha. rarely use this kinda thing! (:
but it real pretty! thanks meow meow!

overview of presents!

masks from shella!

charles and keith from e448.

143 green roses from my dearest cell and cell grp tee!

flowers from mr daniel yeo! (: white lilies! i like.

kung fu ng! my long time good friend. (:

BOON. (: my dear cousin/buddy/confidant.

KWS! ( not in the right sequence). my dearest dearest cousins in the world. appreciate them so much!

yep. that's bout all. (:

had a real blessed birthday! send me the pics if u have any!

(:

p/s: i know this entry is peppered with smileys like such (: ,
but, please bear with me. just too joyous already. (:

lots of things coming up!

2008-04-24T23:24:00.002+08:00

hello all. few things to update.

1. my ntu exams are all over!!!! (:

2. celebrated mama's birthday yesterday!

3. my house renovation is all about done.

4. i am now officially sharing a room with er jie

5. i have new bed. HAHA

6. new air-con in room

7. house getting new furniture soon

8. i dont have to take leave from SOT liao.

9. i can spend more time with cell group already

10. my birthday is coming. (:

haha.

will post pictures soon. all at one shot ok! haha. after my birthday ba!

stay tuned!

increased capacity.

2008-04-17T16:40:00.002+08:00

it is sort of like a deja vu.

where i am once again brought back to the examination period i have experienced last november.

i remembered how i behaved and act.

totally lost, panicky person, who tried her best to stay cool.

back then, it was my very first examinations in NTU. thus explaining my anxiety.

and, also, i had just became a cgl in october. so, while still going through the transition of leadership, i entered my examinations.

i sort of faced a friendship problem back then also. where a friend who have disappointed me 2 years ago, suddenly contacted me again, and yes, a few days before my examinations.

that didn't really help me i suppose.

so, yep, was stressed up.

but, anyway, thank God, i went through it all.

this time round. SEMESTER 2, YEAR 1 student of NTU goes through her examinations.

this time round, with more transition periods.

1stly, of course, the examinations.

2ndly, house undergoes renovation.

3rdly, SOT.

woah. i can't really believe that i am facing all these right now and still keep going for examinations.

this just got to prove one thing.

i serve a great big GOD, who is able, full of possibilities, who gives me strength and, as my blog title suggest, increased capacity. (:

because of what He's done in me,

i am able to:

1. go to SOT in the mornings

2. study in the afternoons,

3. shift furniture and do packing in the night

4. still able to find time to teach tuition twice a week

5.lead praise and worship for cgc training

6.lead cell group meeting

7.attend service

(:

my God is a great God.

but, yea, i still can't take things for granted, so i got to study.

thus, have to postpone my tuition till tomorrow, and get my cell group to go for powerhouse today, my cgcs will take charge. ( Thank God for these lovely people)

and on sunday, i will lead a make up prayer meeting b4 service.

alright. i shall keep my engine going. go go go!

today, even as i was worshiping in SOT in the morning, i was just praying to God,

" Lord, thank You for everything You've done in my life. For giving me the grace, the strength, the mercy to carry through. For enlarging my capacity and making me able. With the more things that i take up, i know the more i need to pray. The lesser time i have, the more time i will devote to prayer."

(:

my heart is filled with joy and a kind of strength i never had.

i'm telling you, God is such an awesome God.

and SOT has got to be one experience that will totally change your life.

it's funny how come the most things always come to me during my examinations period. but, i think, it is precisely because of all these that i will learn to have a total dependency on God. this may just be the year of my breakthrough in terms of handling examinations. (:

i am so glad, so glad, so glad.

alright, i shall go back to studying.

God, give me the strength. (:

thanks to everyone who has been praying for me. your prayers have been doing tremendous things for me in my life.

thank you team 7, for praying for me. You guys been great. (:

praise the Lord.

wishlist addition!

2008-04-09T16:53:00.002+08:00

was just living my very exciting life as it is.. when i realized, i have been seeing this rather often recently...

yep.. it is yet another CREATIVE mp3 player. i am not exactly a super fan of theirs.. but i realized that well.. their mp3 just seems more user-friendly? and more wallet-friendly as well i guess. (:

so, yea, i saw someone using this in SOT yest. and, i got reminded of this again..

so, i am going to add this to my wishlist.. haha. even though it is rather wallet-friendly, but, i am not expecting my dear friends and family to get this for me la.. ha. so.. it is still a lil costly for a present.

so, yep, my wishlist. probably will fulfill this want when i completed my A&B. (:

this is just about $149.. so affordable right? ha. and i like how sleek it is, with FM function and all. (:

well, anyway,
i have officially started my SOT days!!!

and, my team number, coincidentally, is the PERFECT NUMBER. (:

SEVEN.

it is very exciting being in SOT and i love my team members.. we had great fun on orientation on monday! though tiring.. but it was a tremendous time of fellowship..

am looking forward to the rest of my days in SOT, but before that, i got to tackle my NTU examinations first..

16th. HMJ1: Japanese Language

18th: HC203: Literature of Tang and Song

22th: HC205: General History of China

24th: HC110: Literature in Taiwan and Hong Kong

and when all these are over, (: (: (: (: (: (:

words cant describe that kind of feelings..

so, people, do pray for me. (:

i know i am not super prepared, therefore, i really need the grace and mercy of God..

alright. gonna finish up my HC110 report now!

back to work.